Heaven on Earth

“On earth there is no heaven, but there are pieces of it”
-Jules Renard

There are moments on earth where I wished would last forever. Long for these moments of treasure to hang in space and time, if I could for all eternity, where nothing changes because I derived extreme happiness and upmost joy that there's nothing more I could want and need. Where I feel free as a bird...and satisfied with what life is showering upon me. Contented is the word.

Pieces of these moments have scattered themselves throughout my life so far. I must say I am lucky. We all are when we think of the atrocities that various parts of the world are going through. The good thing is that these jolly-lolly moments as I put it, are part of reality and it's up to me whether I want them moments to be repeated. Whether I want to ignite the positive energy or not. There are three forms of happiness that I have conceded.

1. True happiness

2. Choice happiness

3. God-given happiness

True happiness is when you get what you want, what you need and there is no price to pay for it. No sin committed for grasping it. No harm done. No tears. No grief. No heartache. Choice happiness is what you experience when you sacrifice true happiness. It is not second best. It is not a loser kind of happiness. Sometimes it is just a better alternative. It's what you realise to treasure more than true happiness if you decide to let it go and it becomes out of your reach one day. It's what you learn to not live without if you hold it by your side. God-given happiness is the purest of happiness where one feels happy naturally and do not see the need to change his/her life, taking it as it comes and not asking for more. It's not being oblivious to wanting more. People in this category just take on life in a simplified tone. Less emotional drama. Less predicaments.

On a more cheery note...

Merdeka is coming! Weeeeeeee! Holiday!

Was thinking of what I shall do on the 31st.

Maybe I'll be lazy...and just sleep in till noon...and wake up to brunch...

Maybe I'll catch up with friends over coffee...and have a girly gossip sharing session...

Maybe I'll indulge in shopping....which might be best avoided...at all costs!

Maybe I'll be a couch potato...watch old DVDs...and fall asleep over the afternoon sun...

Maybe I'll take a day trip...taste good food in a nearby state...but would the roads be jammed up?

Maybe I'll do my delayed laundry...I see a mountain forming in my basket...and I've been digging in it to find clothes I want to wear...

Maybe I'll spend it with my good ole' parents...don't know their plans yet...but it's quality time with them...

Maybe I'll just see how the day goes...when I wake up...and plan from there...

Raise your hand...how many of you feel the need to be patriotic and celebrating the point of Merdeka. Are you proud to be a Malaysian? Do you proclaim to be one when you're overseas? Have you done anything in the spirit of patriotism? Are you proud of our country's achievements? Will you on that very day wave our national flag high among the clouds? Do you have one hanging at home or installed a flag standee like some have on their car? Anyone?!

I know those who are mighty proud but I suggest it's the thought of a day off that excites us more. I reckon it is only in times of disaster and tragedy that people of different races, beliefs, ethnicity and religion will truly unite together under one name. Under one roof. Under one country.

Think Armageddon.

Love vs. Revenge

'Love is sweet...Revenge is even better...'
-Addicted to Love

Question: What's the worst thing that you know anyone has done to their ex/current partner?

What tops my list currently? A girl who rammed her car into her then-boyfriend's brand new Mercedes.

Wreck Of The Day

Sometimes I think I’m the firestarter of things to happen. Every so often, I strike the match and things become edgy. I dislike being in uncomfortable situations. Who does anyway, right? It’s the getting out of it and bringing back the normality that’s equally as uneasy. How do you sing to the right tune again? Do you let things solve themselves and roll back into familiarity or attempt to work it out? If the latter, you might appear to be pushing the issue and making it worse than it has to be.

At the end of the day, you think to yourself…how did something so minor manifest into something that influences and sets your mood negatively? You could be feeling fine and dandy for a moment and perturbed and out of focused the next. Once again I stand by the saying, “It never rains but pours”. You could have good intentions but sometimes when you mean well it does not exactly work and bites you in the face.

Brother e-mailed me this song at the most appropriate time yesterday. Has a somewhat catchy tune. It did lift up my spirits a little. Moreover, some happenings towards the closing of the day contributed to my state of mind this morning.

How am I feeling now? Pretty at ease. Hopefully this status stays and no other hiccups occur.

Need to take a breather. To plan for things that I need to do.

Need some calm before the storm…

Where is the moment we needed the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on
You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day (Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong
So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

- Daniel Powter 'Bad Day'

As Lovers Go

She said "I've gotta be honest, you're wasting your time if you're fishing round here." And he said "You must be mistaken, cause I'm not fooling...this feeling is real." She said "You gotta be crazy, what do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?"

He said, "No, you've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong. All wrong, all wrong...but you got me...I'll be true, I'll be useful... I'll be cavalier...I'll be yours my dear and I'll belong to you if you'll just let me through. This is easy as lovers go, so don't complicate it by hesitating and this is wonderful as loving goes, this is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?"

And she said "I've gotta be honest I've been waiting for you all my life. For so long I thought I was asylum bound, but just seeing you makes me think twice and being with you here makes me sane, I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side."

And he said, "You've got wits...you've got looks, you've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"

Tonight...tonight.
But you've got me...

- Dashboard Confessional

Weed?

An idealist is like lalang, they hold on to the ways of the wind... but they need to learn to stand firm on a decision made...

-Veritas

What's lalang in English anyway?

Wrong Side Up

This morning I added a teaspoonful of salt into my Earl Grey cup of tea.

...

Last night I sat on my bed and read about lost love, of abandonment. I have blinds as curtains but never look out at night for I'm afraid of what I might see flying outside. Felt like taking a drive down to KLIA or up to Genting for some tea or hot choc. Was inspired but demotivated at the same time. Wanted to do either but not with my shadow as company. I did not want to cry. I did not want to be in despair. I did not want to find solace. I did not want to trap myself within. I did not know what to do. I looked at myself in the mirror and just stared into space. I gazed at the little girl in the photograph. She looked pretty and unencumbered in her white lacey bridesmaid dress. Who would have known she would grow up to become one with the girl who was looking back at me. A disappointment? A bundle of joy? An aggravation? A breath of fresh air? She is all of those now...unfortunately to her dismay and to others, more of the negatives.

I got tired of thinking and hoping that the night would take a different route. So I drifted into deep sleep, escaping into unconsciousness where there's peace, where I could hide from what's been playing at the back of my membrane for it has ruled my train of thoughts for hours.

Tomorrow's another day to wake up to and go by...as I keep gathering my strength from God knows only where, to face the known unknown. In nights like yesterday, what separates the world and I is a layer, like cling-wrap in which I wear in times when I feel so alone. Though transparent, it provides just the touch of protection I need where my arms are crossed in embrace with its opposite shoulders. It's a forcefield in which I think you can penetrate but I sense the losing of grip. I strive to do my best, what I can to lessen the strife between you and I. Perhaps I'm just selfish but I bleed and I taste the blood too...

Please don't misunderstand me. Of all people you should comprehend me.

I want you to be the one who will.

How Do You Like Your Eggs?

Julia Roberts's character in The Runaway Bride had different preferences on how her eggs were prepared for her partners. She liked scrambled with Billy, the sunny side up with Ethan, soft boiled with Ted etc. Her choice was based on the various types of guys she was with in her life. She tailored her wants to suit them. Came to a point where she couldn't even remember how she originally liked it.

Which got me thinking...are we like that too? Do you have many versions of yourself installed as the years have gone by? Do you have customised versions for different sets of people or for a certain someone? Or do you run on a similar version when 'show all users' are selected?

Those of us whose reaction varies according to a person or to a particular group tend to morph into what people want, what someone needs. We become emotion shifters. Changing our emotions to the responses we are expected to give. At the end of the day, we're concealing our real feelings, sinking our true self into subconsciousness and this suppressive behaviour won’t be very good for our emotional health I reckon.

This is why it’s important to find/be found by someone we can always be ourselves with and in this sense, not be worried about what he/she will think of us regardless of how we are. And if their still around after all the drama, the aggravation, the circus of dealing with us, we’ll know we’ve found a diamond in our life.


Talking about diamonds...

“True love begins with 321K diamonds…”

This is the tagline for the 321K ad that’s shown currently being shown at the cinemas. A pretty purple friend and I often say it out in unison. Just tickles us. As lame as it sounds we love it!

Hhmm, I shall rephrase it to my preference.

“True love begins with a 1K diamond…”

See, I don't ask for a lot! 1K will be enough :) Sigh, to own a 1K diamond ring would be simply sweeeeeeeet! Check out the sparkle in that gem! Of course, I won't marry any Tom, Dick or Harry who proposes with one. I have my standards. Mind you, luuuuurve has to be the order of the day first. Love + 1K = super duper sweeeeeeeet!

I know many guys who avoid the topic of diamonds altogether. It's a sacred word for them. They will avoid walking pass any jewellers with their girlfriend for fear that a hint will be thrown...a hint that cannot be ignored for the consequences are best avoided they say.

Guys, think of it as an investment with fruitful returns. Say it costs you 20,000, divide it by 50 years of marriage. That's only 400 bucks a year ok! The ROI will be enjoyed for a long term. She will be there for you...to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health through it all; your middle age crisis, your sexual requests, your habit in not putting the toilet seat down after you're done, your obsession with football, your big belly, your comfortable ignorance of household responsibilities, your snoring etc. What's more, we might have to carry your future child/ children, your next generation, your inheritance for 9 long months and suffer the painstaking process of childbearing.

A pre-token of appreciation won't hurt I'm sure. Does the idea of the 1K ring make sense NOW?

God fashioned a Woman from the ribs of Man.

Not from his feet, because God never intended for her to be walked all over, nor from his head because the Woman was not made to look down or boss the Man about.

Woman came from the ribs. The closest place to a Man's heart.

Fallen Angel

One of my hobbies used to be collecting postcards. Unfortunately, the craze is over now and supply has run short, almost to a non existent point. They used to be scattered everywhere, now all I have collected, I have deemed precious and rare. Have a whole stack which I gathered when I was banished willingly to Australia. Wanted to fill up my bedroom wall from top to bottom when I returned home but never got to it. Tonight, I took out my super stack to rekindle some fond memories and came across one of my top 10 favourites.

The Concept of The 1

I know I've brought this up before in one of my previous postings but I would like to again. We always make it about 1 person. The 1 who rules our heart. The 1 who sits on a pedestal, high above others. The various chapters of our lifebook might add up to many number 1s due to our experiences as people come and go, whether we want them to or otherwise. But what has been apparent in each of these chapters? Some 1 existed and they had/still do have our undying love. We store a part of ourselves exclusively for them. They hold the key and lock our hearts. Our devotion. Our commitment. Our dedication. All with no maybes, no what ifs. What I mean here is the notion of true love for 1 person who had/have us in absolute totality. And if things are not satin smooth sailing, the role of a puppet of Love we would play.

If there's a kind of fool we all are at one stage or more in our lives, it would be a LoveFool. Love becomes the puppet master of our lives, controls and pulls us by the string, making us dance to its own beat, its own tune in which we have no say. We hear it calling to our hearts. It shrieks at us like the violent wind; whispers softly like the gentle breeze. Nevertheless, whatever form it chooses to make its presence known by, even the strongest can rarely resist. And it'll be just a matter of whether we listen to its command or break free from its chains. This is the tug of war, the pushing and pulling between our heart and our head. Our struggle with Love and the Fool it makes of us all...

These are my thoughts, that gushes into me whenever I look at 'Fallen Angel'. It is actually a painting by that name. Shall leave it to be admired or criticised. What is your feel? I'll like to know if I'm alone...or do I have an army of Love behind me?

Am I Charmed?

Was given the luxury of getting more sleep today. Had a meeting with a publication at 10.30am so decided not to check-in to the office first. After 7 hours of blissful sleep, I woke up feeling refreshed and looking forward to the day. Felt like I still worked in PJ. Used to take my own sweet time getting ready when I was and today I intended to do just that. I sure did. However, me and my past merry morning ways is not the main topic of this posting.

You see, from the moment I woke up, a movie called ‘The Craft’ was playing on my mind. Incase any of you have not heard or seen the movie, it’s a story about 4 friends who start dabbling with witchcraft and terror unfolds when they misuse their given powers. To continue, scenes from it were finding their way into my head while I was making my bed, brushing my teeth, putting on my makeup, getting dressed and as I sat down to enjoy my breakfast, I turned on the telly and guess what was playing on StarMovies? You’re right! Wah Lah! The Craft!!!

Is this bizarre of what?! I’m always been fascinated with the mystical world which somehow enthralls me for there’s something spellbinding about magic that holds a world of endless, boundless possibilities. What does this mean? Is it a sign? Is the supernatural realm trying to reach me? Is it transmitting me a message? Or am I getting excited over nothing?

Sigh, think most of you would settle for the latter yeah?

Me and My Personality

Tests like personality tests are sometimes an affirmation of yourself, the way you are. A self evaluation where you'll nod and agree when the results are somewhat accurate and grunt when it is not something you want to realise, even if it is true. I used to like clicking away, running through question by question with eagerness on what I'll find but stopped as I grew tired reading the same answers, over and over again. Now, I won't bother unless it seems interesting. Anyway, for old time's sake I did one today.

The 'Get To Know Yourself Better' test @ http://quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx/

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

What did the test conclude?

*I'm a sucker for true love but if the heart does not fancy then it will never be, highly strung in career matters but there's a need to be focused on what I want, a judge not a lawyer in making decisions for others, prefers to be a driver not a passenger in life and always open to increasing my knowledge. Lastly, a somewhat temperamental being but a truly spirited one*

Not denying any of the above. Quite right on the dot, once again. And this what was came up from chosing the mountains, seeing a ring near my feet, picking it up, seeing a lake, a beautiful antique key, stumbling upon a beautiful old castle and exploring it, having a wizard jump out at me, and seeing the beach through a key hole.

Hhmm, did I just spoil it for you to give it a go at? Oops-a-daisy! :)

Rainy day and a Sunday

What's in a kiss? If you were within close kissing range of

A. An attractive stranger

B. A close friend of the opposite sex

C. Someone you've had your eye on for some time

D. Someone you've had a past with

E. Someone who you knows fancies you

...would you kiss them? Would you seize the kissing opportunity? I'm curious...I want to know.

Whether we succumb to smooching or letting the moment slip by, we know it can lead to more. More can surely be in store. After all, this kind of kisses are not the innocent ones we give to our parents. Nah ah...I don't think so. This sort of kiss can turn the key and get two engines rolling. It can churn the hormones. Fuels the passion. Ignites the need for both people to rip their clothes apart, devour each other, take on the night. Call it lust, the need to be pleasured or touched, the wanting to be physically close to someone, anyone for that matter. In this sense, a kiss is not just a kiss. I reckon this happens only if the kiss is a good one to begin with...after all no one gets turned on by a bad kisser, right? The night always always...intensifies things...And what happens after the kiss can lead to joy or bliss or something you would wanna dismiss...because ultimately there's got to be a morning after to deal with and the night before to digest.

However, the way it feels like to wake up beside the one you love...beside the one that lights up your life, the one that beckons to your heart, the one you want to be stuck with voluntarily for all eternity, to the one who can set you moving to their sweetest song can be unexplainably beautifully fulfilling...and you'll know what you've known all along that yes, you do love them. It's a confirmation to yourself and to the one that owns your heart. This is an instance where 'I Love You' can mean the most from you or to you...when you wake up to your universe...

Picture this. Two people opening their eyes to each other and just rolling about in bed on a Sunday morning where outside the rain is falling. Oblivious to the pitter-patter made by the teardrops of the clouds on the window pane, tucked under the covers, leaving the world behind in sweet surrender and embrace, they hold on to each other and become witnesses to their own love; satisfying body, mind and soul.

Correct me if I'm wrong but this scenario rates among some of the the things in life you just can't buy. There's no price tag attached it...no imaginable value to measure it's worth...

For it's priceless.

The Death of Me

Had an early lunch today. Time clock - 11.30am - A filling beef lasagna at a dainty little cosy café 5 steps away from my office’s main entrance. It’s lunch time now for many and my thoughts are roaming free and easy…

They slot around like a jackpot machine and come to a halt at Death.

Sometimes when I think about death knocking on my door, I feel that perhaps a few would be better off without me. A couple of days and they’ll move on, a couple of months and they’ll forget me, a couple of years and I’ll just be a memory.

I’m sure there will be grief especially from my loved ones. There will definitely be mourning and a sense of loss where I'll be missed dearly. Call it self esteem but I know I'm loved much by my family and those who have me close to their heart. But for others, I guess I would merely be pronounced once alive and well, now dead and gone.

I have not decided on whether I want to be buried or cremated but let’s assume I want to be six feet underground. Hhmm, what would my tombstone say? What will be the words to make up a sentence that will be the gist of my existence?
.................................................................................

As my fingers wait to perform their typing function, they wait in vain for I have not a clue as my mind’s clogged now.

*Shift of focus*

Yesterday…a close friend told me that she’s been getting hungry because of the haze. My appetite has been good because I’ve been freezing my ass off in my freezer of an office which contributes to the burning of more calories but where’s the rationale in hers?

Yesterday...a close someone told me that I am the root of frustration and despair. I was affected by it. Hot and cold we blow, north and south we go, hoping to find console…in the very thing that lights our soul.

Yesterday…a close family member told me to wear a mask to work. I refused to for vanity’s sake. But I reckon it would be disciplinary if the haze worsens. Will pay for cool customized ones and make a fashion statement. Will settle for the Hello Kitty or Darth Vader lookalike ones.

*Shifting back to Death row for something came up during my close encounters*

My tombstone can say…

-Here lies the Perfectly Flawed…in Life and Love she found her flaws…in death and spirit she wails no more…-

??? Is that nonsensical, or what ???

Any ideas? Maybe I can state it down in my will.

Bbbbrrrrrrrr!!!!

I am so cold now...it's extra chilly today and I am clinging on to my laptop for dear heat. Can't feel my fingers when I type and my head is expanding and contracting.

I need Mr Sunshine. Where are you? Don't hide your rays...shine them upon me.

- A Silly Lily

Se7en

I've got a few things that I need to get off my chest.

One.
I have a worry that has been creeping up on me. Can feel it in my tummy and underneath my skin. It's at the back of my skull but finds its way to the front line of my thoughts.

Two.
Sometimes I want to be understood, that I'm giving all I can. Yes, more can be derived, more can be extracted from me but somehow this is all I'm capable of now.

Then when things seem to be fine, something's bound to happen to tip it off the borderline. Like a scale, the balance never stays for long and keeps tipping, depending on the weight on both sides. Sometimes left, at times right. Left right, right left, left left, right right...

And because of this...

Four.
I'm feeling transitory...but aren't we transient beings after all? Everytime I think I wanna move a step forward, I end up taking a step back. Back back, forth and forth...

Five.
I can't control my emotions. I am just aware of it. We don't control anything at all I'd say. We just feel the way we do, realise it and either choose to react or not from it. Can we stop ourselves from crying? Certainly not. The more we pull the tears back, the more they stream down and wet our cheeks. Likewise, the more we deny our emotions, the more we learn and absorb from it.

Therefore, I acknowledge that I am working on being a person and I will need upgrades of myself perhaps for the rest of my life for you see, I'm not the perfect model of ME that I would like to be.

Six.
I wanna scream and shout it all out, clear the bottleneck that's in my head because there are some things I can and should certainly do without, but nothing comes out from the hole in my face. Maybe it's because part of me is still sane enough to know that I should not wake the innocent up.

I know my whinings above would feel less driven and empowered by my emotions tomorrow. I'll probably feel like a Silly Lily, you can even call it PMS but at this point of time, on this day I felt this way.

Lastly, I know this is something totally irrelevant and unrelated to the above but I need to get this out too...

Seven.
I had a cracker and 5 seedless grapes for dinner last night.

Then and Now

Time does not stand still for us. That’s why our Hope and Dreams…have to be attained through Ways and Means.

- Perfectly Flawed

Today I thought about how fast time is passing us by, like a speed train relentless towards its destination. Day by day, month by month, year by year...

I’ve always had this paranoia that my life won’t turn out the way I want it to be and when I reach middle age, I will find myself looking back and feeling disappointed. Regretting that I did not make it, that I did not make the best out of my life and what it had to offer. That I did not use my capabilities, unlock my hidden potential and made the wrong choices along the way that had a lasting, painful effect on me. That somehow I ended up settling for a life less ordinary, where I'll be living out a life that simply was the next best thing that could have happened instead.

I do not want my fear to become a reality. I know this is something I can control but every little detail only time will tell, whether I climb on life’s rainbows or drown in its swamps.

After all life is what you make of it, right? RIGHT? One life. One shot.

Changes…

This time last year, I made lots of friends who I have grown to be close to.

This time last year I was partying two to three times a week.

This time last year I was still in my old job.

This time last year I had strong hopes but now they’re extinguishing.

This time last year I still had my trademark fringe.

This time last year my mobile was still in good condition.

This time last year I had not met you.

This time last year I had not started blogging yet.

This time last year I have not gotten drunk before.

This time last year I did not know the difference between ‘advice’ and ‘advise’, ‘it’ and ‘it’s’.

This time last year I did not know that one roti canai consists of 3000 calories which is the amount of calories we need per day.

This time last year I had not kissed two girls in one night.

This time last year I had not had a Melting Sensation.

This time last year fine lines had not developed around my eyes.

This time last year I didn’t know rubbing two noses together is called a Hongi which is a Kiwi thing.

This time last year I had not been to the Philharmonic.

This time last year the darn haze was not here.

…and the list goes on I’m sure.

Stagnant…

Lots of things from my passion for my favourite things to the way I am, where I’m still as complicated as ever…perhaps even more…

Still filled with questions left unanswered.

Still filled with doubts and worries.

Still filled with love for life and happiness.

Still filled with persistence.

Still filled with a wish to get my passport stamped in Paris.

Still filled with encumbrance.

Still filled with patience in waiting for people.

Still filled with flaws.

Still filled with expectations for myself and of others.

Still filled with hopes and dreams that are yet to come true.

In conclusion, more or less I'm still filled with full of shit.

When 2 Become 1

...That you can lose yourself. Everything...All boundaries...All time...That two bodies can become so mixed up, that you don't know who's who or what's what. And just when the sweet confusion is so intense you think you're gonna die...you kind of do. Leaving you alone in your separate body, but the one you love is still there. That's a miracle...You can go to heaven and come back alive. You can go back anytime you want with the one you love...

Spoken by Andrew the Robot, portrayed splendidly by Robin Williams in The Bicentennial Man. Caught part of the movie last night. Wanted to finish watching it but I've got no life now. I need sleep :( No second guesses on what he was talking about huh? Sigh...I don think I have heard anyone describe sex like that or even close to the way in which he did.

Beautiful...if that's how love and sex are intertwined, doesn't it make you wanna dismiss all those one night stands? And acknowledge all those that really mattered, sex that resulted from love instead? I don't know...always thought that love should be made out of feelings not a moment's passion that will fade away. I reckon out of the 6 billion people on earth, many will not think like me. My thoughts, my feel anyhow.

Another thought before I dismiss myself from work...

If things went my way with just a twitch of my nose...like a witch that would be coming our way to the cinemas this week. I would be Bewitching...

Did a search on www.dictionary.com

be·witch ( P ) (b-wch)tr.v. be·witched, be·witch·ing, be·witch·es
To place under one's power by or as if by magic; cast a spell over.
To captivate completely; entrance.

Hhmm...I liiiiiiiiiiiikkke the sound of it :).

Money and Happiness

. . . .......................................... . . .

Money Is Not Everything...But Everything Is Money

Money Cannot Buy Happiness...But It Can Rent Happiness For A Very Long Time...

. . .......................................... . .

I think it makes sense...

Sniff...My new office is like the north pole. It's darn freezing cold thanks to the centralised air-conditioning. Sniff...I look like Rudolph with his red nose now due to sniffing too much.

What's more...no lunch break for me as work is pending. Sniff...waiting for my colleague to provide me with some materials so I checked in for a short posting while trying to warm up now with a hot milo. Snniiiiffff.

Would be great to have a bowl of Asam Laksa now...sniff.

*Tired from sniffing away....*

Do I look good in this, Honey?

Mega Shopping Carnival is on again! Shop, shop, shop and away!

Today was a super shopping Sunday (10am-5.30pm) for me and I noticed many boyfriends/husbands/potential male partners shopping with their girlfriends/wives/potential female partners. Whether or not its purely voluntary or strictly shopping 'detention', more often than not, they become the designated handbags/paperbags carriers. In instances, they become the pay masters and shall I say the wardrobe stylists too.

Sometimes we women folk can't decide and if our girlfriends are not around to help us we resort to our friendly neighbourhood guy for their opinions. I reckon two things go through their heads the very second the question is asked. Should I tell the truth? Or should I lie through my teeth as long as she's happy? It's as though the answer will determine if he will be stripped and sacrificed at the altar.

Scenario: Girl does not look that good in a top

If he chooses to be upfront and responds negatively he might get, "What do you know about clothes?! I'm still gonna buy it..." or "I don care what you think, I don't dress for you!".

If he replies positively he might hear, "Are you sure? Very SURE? Don't lie! Let me try it in the other 3 colours instead!" (much to his dismay) or "You're not saying this so we can leave, are you? I know you're hungry!".

Verdict: Well, buckle up guys because sometimes, there's just no winning with us ladies :). Verbal abuse is bound to be thrown either way....well not all the time...sometimes...! You'll understand if you produce progesterone. We just get a 'little' sensitive.

Solution: Guys, no matter what always practice genuine honesty. After all, it is the best policy. Girls, be ever ready to accept his views eventhough it it not what you want to hear. If you feel comfortable and think you look good, just go ahead and buy it. After all isn't that what's important? If he's opinion means so much to you then there will be no bickering against it, right?

Quite a comical situation if you're an observer watching from a comfortable distance. I confess, I'm no angel and I've had my fair share of being a shopping Cruella De Vil but I have learned to digest criticisms and except not all but some of the opinions expressed by my male counterparts.

Anyway, this one's for both sexes. What are your likes and dislikes when it comes to fashion for the opposite sex? What does a girl have to put on to get your testosterone raging? What is the perfect jaw dropping wardrobe for a guy?..OR what's best avoided at all costs? What is the total fashion error?

For me, the eye catching-look twice-turns up the heat outfit has always been the classic black shirt with dark blue faded jeans. Pop by any Zara store, check out the wall size poster of the male model and you will see what I mean. I wouldn't eat someone who looks that good in the ensemble. Another 'action' of some sort will be much more appropriate :).

*Shop-O-Meter

- 2 casual tops, 2 working tops, 1 working skirt, 1 bag, 1 dress and 1 shoe

If you're thinking how much was the damage done? Don't ask. I'm in denial! I don't wanna know myself! Almost bought another bag but I was swept by an air of practicality which I reckon did me some good. There's always a limit to everything...even in shopping. Yup. Yup. Yup. That's right. Control is the word. The key word. Self control.

All in all, a happy ending to the end of the week. Tomorrow's Monday again, naturally. Sigh...it's not work I dread...it's the journey to work. Hope I get into the waking- up- early rhythm soon. Falling asleep while driving is definitely NOT an option. It's time for bed....

ZZzzzZZzzzZZzz...Goodbye week 31st, hello week 32nd 2005.

Zombie-fied

It's been 3 days since I last blogged. Not long but it seems like it's been a week already. Been swamped at work and having late nights. By the time I reach home everyday it's time to bathe and hit the sack to be energised for tomorrow.

Working in the city really drains you when you have not rested enough the night before. And I've only slept for like 8 hours in the past 48 hours. The past two days have seen me dozing off behind the wheel. I know...it's freaking dangerous but my eyes and my head have been at odds with each other. Sniff.

What's the cheapest lunch you've ever had? Mine was all of 3 buckaroos yesterday! Malay mixed rice consisting of beansprouts and beef rendang plus a limau ice to drain it down. Good deal huh?

This will be the shortest posting I've ever done. No deep thoughts. No reflections. Just no time to be me. Perhaps it's good in a way where my head won't be filled with unnecessary, irrelevant and unwanted thoughts. Sigh...*yawwwwn*

Waiting for the Perfect Man

I have been office de-virginised. My first day has come to an end and what an eye-opener it was for me. Sat through an entire day of training to be educated on the services and products of my new company and a look at the industry it is a player in. Furthermore, I will be subjected to more as this crash course will last for the next 2 days. I must say I certainly gained some useful knowledge to be applied to whether on the job or for my personal benefit. I'm an arty-tarty kinda person. I am uncomfortable, and get very uneasy with numbers. Me and numbers? Bad equation. Terrible mix. Therefore, being the mathematician genius that I am so not, I struggled through high school and college. My bosom pal and I decided then that, we were hearts and minds set on not furthering our studies in anything that involves calculations, digits etc. We happily gladly settled for Communications, our passion. But then on one hand, I found myself actually enjoying the session. Therefore, am feeling good vibes about where I am now and I hope my instincts are as consistent as ever.

Anyhow, during lunch I thought about the training I had for a part-time teaching job. You see, the image above was a wallpaper on the PC I was assigned to during that period. Never attempted to save it when I had the chance but it remained in my head until now. Thanks to 'The Google King' who located it for me again when I told him about the 'bus' that has yet to come poor Ms. Skeleton's way, I can now share it. Drawn to and fascinated with images like this which has a morbid touch to it. Could stare at it for the longest time. Amazing how one picture has the power to conjure up emotions and a thousand thoughts by just looking at it. What do you think? What did you feel when you saw it?

A sigh was all that found its way to me...5 years ago.

P/S I was not online for the whole day and currently getting my daily dosage required to feel virtually healthy before the bed summons me again. Hope I get my necessary devices tomorrow.