Fear

The walls they close in

The air it goes out

We're left with nothing but a shadow of doubt

Nobody talks, no one is here

And you realise what is it that you fear.

Revamping Me, Myself & I : A Work In Progress

I've been examining myself since the start of the year and even more so of late. Time walking to the station, sitting the train, riding in the cab leaves you with thoughts in your head about yesteryears.

2003 marked a major turning point in my life and from then on, the chain of events that has happened throughout these 5 years has led to where I am now. I have been overwhelmed with joy, I have been filled with sadness but I have seldom taken the time to thoroughly think about who I am, where I am in the scheme of things, and how the way I am has affected those that I dearly care about and love. As a result, I let go and walked away from certain things I treasured most in my life because I could no longer live in the state I put myself in and be the bearer of hurt, of pain, of disappointment as a result of my weaknesses and flaws.

I needed to be real again, to be whole and to be a stronger person. It was not an easy to do, there were days and nights where I wanted to rewind and go back to way back when, to undo what I did. But I had to gain control and manage myself, once. and. for. all.

Sometimes, some of us complicate our lives by creating unnecessary heartache and aggravation in it. I'm guilty as charged when it comes to this account but in all honesty, I have never thrived on this. A conscience check I would recommend to the person who does. I will answer for the things I've done. Karma has and might repeatedly take its place . I know this for a fact. We make our beds, we sleep on it.

Nevertheless, I have been blessed to have people around me who have accepted me for who I am. No matter how difficult I can be at times with my self obsessed tendencies and destructible nature. And for this, I am truly thankful.

Do I wish I can turn back the clock? Yes and no. Yes, because clearly I will do things differently if given the chance to when it comes to life and love. No, because there's a time and place for everything. We learn from our mistakes and the past should be a guide on how we should shape our future and in the process, mould ourselves to become a better person. It all depends... if the door of opportunity knocks again.

What is to unfold next I don't know. I can only hope that happiness is down the road and that contentment is part of the journey as I continue to work on my character 'lift'.

The Heart Can Only Take So Much...

I have a new best friend and I'm lovin' Rock Band.

In almost every office, there is a 'best friend'. Someone we grow to 'love' and look forward to seeing everyday. Someone who makes our day and never fails to show how much they 'care', where their 'thoughfulness' of others are unconditional and their 'giving' nature endearing.

Someday, someone's gonna bitch slap her and she'll have no one but herself to blame.

Or, karma will take its place.

So, do you have a 'best friend'?

The View from the Top...

I don't think I'll get bored of this view. Not just yet...

It's a great feeling, going to sleep with the city in her luminous energy looking at you.

Coincidentally, I now work and live on the 25th floor.

Decided to try my luck and bought 4D today.

Need I say that times are bad? Who knows I might strike, right?

Caught the news last night. Pawn shop owners are having a gay ole' time here. Experiencing a boom in business as more people are pawning their valuables for cash.

I reckon bags and shoes are not accepted.

.:2525:.

Wish me luck!

I Am Weirdo

I've been in a weird state of mind since yesterday and I can't explain it. Don't know if weird is the best adjective to describe what I'm feeling but I've been called a weirdo so...

Can't seem to decipher the thoughts that are spinning around in my head like tadpoles in a pond.
I just want to know two things.
What I should blur from my sight and what I should clearly see.

Then I can keep the Devil in the box.
Lock, and throw away the key.

Umbrella

We need to feel breathless with Love

And not collapse under its weight...