Life is easy, we make it complicated. Just don't come around to where you know you don't belong. And don't expect the world to change for you.

We should’ve all been born with the convenience of deleting what no longer fits

-LaineyLashes

Have a Happy New Year people. Hope the coming 366 days bring you Life and Love, new Hopes and Dreams, with Ways and Means.

Lack Lustre

New Year. New start. New beginning. The End.

Like a Frisbee, I keep going back to where I came from, where I was. Tomorrow is a special day for me but somehow it has lost all its glitter. A part of me is happy but the overwhelming splurge of aesthetics I usually display, the hyped up me, the natural born exhilaration I usually feel this time of the year is somewhat less grand, less charmed. Like a cake with no layers, fingernails with no colour, a dress with no frills, shoes with no pointed heels.

Instead, I am trying to jazz myself up to celebrate. Giving myself a reason to smile when it should be beyond any reasoning.

I have said this over and over again. And I will say it AGAIN.

It never rains but bloody hell pours...

Go figure.

Affected By Chicken-Shit Me

Courage is doing what others are afraid of...

Nature called while I was at Pyramid doing some Christmas shopping which ended up as a retail therapy trip (shame on me again!) and as I sat down to be relieved, the line was there staring at my pants down self. I didn't bother about it too much. Zipped up and left.

Nature beckoned a second time and...

We have only one life to live but our consequences last a lifetime...

Since when did Pyramid toilets become so philosophical? Bad enough that you need to wipe the sometimes pee infested seats and breathe as little as you can when you enter because you do not want to inhale the stinking smell of the toilet into your system. There you are pee-ing nicely and these lines make you think about your life.

Maybe it's me. Should not let things affect me easily. But then again, what if it's a sign? Next question would be a sign of what? And if we have that figured out, how do we know whether our interpretation of a sign is accurate or not? Whether our rationalisation of it is the intended outcome or otherwise?

I should not think too much and keep on asking 'why'. I should fuel on my broken faith and hope. Just Nike it. Just do it.

I am a self-confessed WORRIER.

Sigh...BOO2Me :(

Integrity

People die everyday...and people fall in and out of love everyday. The ways of the world we live in. Makes me wanna go into hibernation sometimes and wake up whenever...when I'm ready to embrace, to face whatever challenge, obstacle and heartache that life will bring on next. Statistically, I have not even lived half of my life yet. A majority of our elders will say, "You youngsters today don't know what hardship and suffering is all about. During MY time.....bla bla bla..."

Yes, I might be whining unnecessarily, incessantly and sound like I've been to hell and back but sometimes we like to rub more salt to the wound, you know what I mean? Moreover, being a pessimist does not help as I tend to weigh the negatives more than the positives. Can't help it. It's my nature. To shoot myself repeatedly, exactly at the same spot. To stab myself and twist the knife unerringly at the same spot. To murder myself emotionally precisely at the same spot.

I can hear Ms Spears aka Mrs Federline's tune in my head now. Gosh, I hope she divorces the useless bum soon. One celebrity couple which I hope will head down splitsville at full speed. Hhmm, perhaps maybe it's really luuurve. Naaah! Yes, I confess. I am a Britney fan. So laugh at me. I don't care. I like her. I think she deserves someone better than Kevin the Freeloader. But then again, I'm not her and she's not me. The love does not choose who it wants to heart.

She's so lucky...she's a star...but she cries cries cries in her lonely heart thinking...

If there's nothing missing in my life...then why do these tears come at night...

The dictionary states that 'integrity' is the state of being complete, being whole - the quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.

Sigh, I wanna feel integrity in me again...

“Maybe I don’t want to see it, The way it really is”

- Lisa Loeb

I want to sail through the ocean's changing tides...
I want to handle the seasons of my life...

Two Diaries

HER DIARY: Saturday, May 21st 2005

Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of Silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me and that he had found someone else. I cried myself to sleep.

MAN'S DIARY: Saturday, May 21st 2005

Apple switched to Intel.

Absolutely gutted.

Got a shag though.

***********************

Found this on Mr Brown's blog - a comment found in the Slashdot post, "Nerds Make Better Lovers" (via del.icio.us).

Just goes to show how simple minded a percentage of Men are and how emotionally driven some of us Women can be. We tend to wanna decipher, analyze anything and everything while guys just see things for what it is on the surface, not noticing the depths that it could be in, the grey areas.

*shrugs & chuckles*

You

The limitless circumference of joy that once filled me everytime the hours draw near to seeing you have been replaced by a sense of dread. Nothing's changed but everything has.

You know me so well but yet I am like a stranger because the things that I’ve been doing are unconscious to you and I don’t think I can swallow this concoction anymore. It’s getting too bitter for my taste buds and I think I should spit it out. It's getting harder to breathe. More difficult to live with myself.

I thought you were my Prince and that you would give me a fairytale but the things you said have pierced my heart. To you, tears are unnecessary but I have cried you streams of rivers.

The stretch of time that we own will always be exclusive to us alone. Wish I could erase our memories with a snap of a finger for I’d rather not remember. I'm so afraid you will continue to burn inside my heart and soul, consume and ravage me in flames that will never be extinguished. That will never cease to exist.

But it's almost time...and I have all the Right reasons...

I can't stand up for love anymore...

After all is said and done, one truth stays the same...

You're still you..........

..........and I will always know why I do.

MEN

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man’s behaviour.
3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man’s character, leave him alone.
4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
6. Don’t force an attraction.
7. Slower is better.
8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don’t let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
11. Don’t settle.
12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship-take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
14. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
15. Honourable men take care of their business and aren’t involved in a whole lot of mess.
16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
17. There’s only one ‘reason’ a man dumps you; he doesn’t want you.
18. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of different women.why would he treat you any differently?
19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.
21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers You, speak up.
23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn’t call, he just isn’t that interested.
24. Be honest and up-front.
25. Know when to cut the cord, don’t be strung along.
26. Don’t fall for the “I’m confused role”. Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don’t wait for him, move on).
27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
28. There’s more than physical abuse, there’s emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them…flee.
29. You cannot change a man’s behaviours. Change comes from within.
30. Don’t let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself — double-standard.
31. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or is in a better job.
32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
33. Demand respect and if he can’t give it, he can’t have you!
34. Don’t compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he’s lying, let him go.
36. Actions speak louder than words.
37. Never let a man define who you are.
38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
39. Never borrow someone else’s man.
40. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn’t mean that he won’t hurt You and it doesn’t mean that you are meant to be with him.
42. To use painful hard-won wisdom - ‘get it right’ the next time.
43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of The #1 person in your life.
44. Love is a verb.
45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving- loving.
46. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
47. All men are NOT dogs.
48. You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two way street.
49. If you don’t love yourself…you can’t love anyone else.
50. You cannot mend someone else’s broken heart.
51. You need time to heal between relationships…there is nothing cute about baggage…deal with your issues before pursuing a new Relationship.
52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone Complimentary…not supplementary.
53. Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
55. Never become your man’s “therapist”.
56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to The actions.
57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it* but it takes two to make it work.
58. Don’t fall for the “I’m not the loving type”…when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn’t do for You.
59. Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
60. Give him his space…let him go out with his boys, don’t pressure him to spend time with you, you can’t force a man to hang out with you.
61. If you wouldn’t allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn’t either.
62. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
63. Never move into his mother’s house.
64. Provide financially for yourself and don’t depend on anyone.
65. Never co-sign for a man.
66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.
68. Never let a man mess up your credit.
69. When it’s time to let go; let go.
70. Good men should be treated like good men.
71. Don’t play games.
72. You can’t make a wh**e into a housewife - or husband.
73. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socio-economic status, are important.
75. Never date a guy who wears coloured contacts.
76. Never believe a man who says “that’s just my baby momma”, you can be sure, there’ll be drama.
77. Never believe a man that tells u he wants to be with you, while he’s with someone else, - if he wanted to be with you, he would make it happen more sooner rather than later.
78. Don’t be a man’s door mat; make him open the door for you, because a real man would do this on his own.
79. Dealings with a married man, most likely won’t work out in your favor.
80. There is someone out there worthy to be in your life, let out the trash so he can come in.

80 inspiring and strong wake-up lines for us FEmales...us WOmen...us girls...@ The Scarfer. Read word for word, line for line and sigh...certain numbers were howling, screaming, hurling at me.

Ladies, although it's all about the men, let's not be ignorant. Some things works both ways too. But then again, let's be generous and make it all about our them. *chuckles*

As a rule, A man's a fool

When it's hot, he wants it cool

When it's cool he wants it hot

Always wanting what is not

Never wanting what he's got

- Shelly Sparks

I was first introduced to this saying by my mother. It was printed on a wood carving which she hung on a wall near my bathroom. I was young then and liked the way it sounded when I read it because it rhymes. Hence, it has stayed in my memory until now.

Hhmm, perhaps dear Mommy was subtlely 'educating' me on the fickleminded-ness of 'some' Men. Notice I did not say Men or all Men? That's because I don't believe in killing the whole forest because of one tree or a few trees for that matter. There are remarkable men out there who exist among those who unfortunately are a disgrace to their own species.

MEN... can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em???...