High on M.A.C.

My heart is beating fast and I feel the adrenaline rush.

Yes, I am currently high on M.A.C. thanks to their latest Holiday Collection 2007. It's simply a must have for every makeup fanatic.

Started using this cosmetic brand since my down under uni days and there was no turning back. I'm officially an addict. Swear by their long lasting eyeshadows (never disappears throughout the day and night, rain or shine), durable makeup brushes (relationships have come and gone, but my first set years and years ago has lasted me until today), and gorgeous packaging (new themes and lovely designs for every season).

I'm ogling and drooling... but unfortunately posting from gmail does not allow pictures uploading (darn). Check out M.A.C. for the visual indulgence and you'll know what I mean.

I heart M.A.C. and I'm gonna get me some M.A.C. loving soon :)

There is a drama queen in some of us girls.

When everything seems perfect, we think it's too good to be true.

And we guillotine ourselves...

While trying to find some thing that's not right to make ourselves feel perversely better.

Seriously, are we not capable of living a simple life?

I will elope. Apparently.

"If anyone were to elope, it would be you." said KT.

Me?! Really? I was surprised by her remark. But truthfully, I do want a wedding someday and the whole thingamajig that comes with it. As much as I hate to admit it, I do like the notion of being proposed to, I do want to be queen for a day and I do want my father to give me away. I do. Someday, if and when I'm sane and ready.

I'm far from exchanging vows at this moment. I'm in no rush but sometimes thoughts about marriage are hard to ignore. Thanks to friends around my age who have tied the knot and those who will be walking down the aisle soon. It seems like everyone is racing to the altar before they reach the big 30.

Don't wanna sound cynical here but Life is not a bed of roses. Some marriages simply don't work out. The happily ever after concept does not apply to everyone, unfortunately. People do stray apart, grow out of love and divorce each other even though they have the best of intentions at heart.

Caught a snippet of 'In Good Company' before going to bed last night and was tickled by this convo between the two main characters.

Carter Duryea: Dan, you seem to have the perfect marriage. How do you do it?

Dan Foreman: You just pick the right one to be in the foxhole with, and then when you're outside of the foxhole you keep your dick in your pants.

And you hope that the best is in store and yet to come.

But the one thing that scares me about marriage and it works both ways is...
What if I wake up one day and realise the person next to me is not the one I want to see?

The Trouble With Me

You see the trouble with you is that you're in Love with me.

What a strange thing to do, what a brave place to be.

But you're really no trouble. You're absolutely lovely.

It's actually the trouble with me. And I plea for my sanity.

What do men look for?

Quote of the day from someone who has had 40 ex-boyfriends.

"Men will always try to score and get away with as much filth as they can.
Gay, straight... they're all looking to get laid."

Queer available. Provided you're interested.

Yesterday
"Can I cook breakfast for you tomorrow? You look like you lost weight. How do you like your eggs?"

Frankly, I have no preference. It depends on my mood and tastebud actually. He decided that it shall be scrambled eggs without onions (yucks!) and I offered to bring a toaster to work as my toast must, must be crispy and fresh.

"Will you marry me? We might not have kids but we'll definitely have beautiful shoes together..."

Sometimes I do wonder if he's actually straight in the closet as he gazes at boobs but only at those of huge proportions with amazement. Like a child at a candy bar, eyes rolled. But this is the guy that understood the pain I felt for my heels when I fell on the pavement and scratched it. We mourned together and cried invisible tears.

"Let's shag... you look hot today with your Amy Winehouse pumps. Seriously, will you shag me?"

If he was the last male on earth and the whole of humanity depended on me to reproduce? I will kindly decline. It's not that the slut's (that's my pet name for him) not good looking. On the contrary, he's quite pleasing to the eyes for someone his standard. It's just me. He's obviously not my type. And I don't do one 'time' stands. Well, I would consider if it was through artificial insemmination but I will have to undergo major and intense therapy after. Seriously. I'm already confused enough.

Today
Apparently, Slut woke up at 5.30am to cook. He brought bread, scrambled eggs with and without onions and chilli, tomatoes, cucumbers, tuna mayo, chicken mayo and a whole array of goodies all packed nicely in a Shangri-La mooncake paper bag. He took the stairs instead of the lift and walked two floors up. Arrived at the office puffing and panting. Said he did not want to and I quote him "look suspiciously like an aunty in Prada shoes".

I enjoyed my slutty breakfast. Am officially stuffed. The food he prepared was enough to feed the whole department. We have decided to forego eating during lunchtime and pop by Starbucks KLCC to sip and gawk at beautiful people passing by.

Here comes the point of this post.
If you're somewhat gay and looking, let me know for Slut is so available.
He cooks, he's into fashion, he's caring and his hormones are raging :)

Think again of that thing you want the most and the things you do for it.

"Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want."

 

Therefore...

Always know what you want. Always. It's either black or white. Don't go venturing into the grey areas, to where you know you don't belong just because you feel somewhat special. Truth of the matter here, everyone is born special. This makes you no different than others and you need to recognise this. Only a tiny fraction of us are born Mother Theresa extraordinary. However, like her we do have our place and individual purpose in this world. The difference lies in the level of impact we create. If it's meant to be, it will be and there's nothing that you or anyone can do to stop something that has been pre-determined by fate and destiny from happening.

 

Keep life simple. Whenever you reach the crossroads of choices, choose the less complicated route. Don't take it as a defeat. Sometimes we've got to give ourselves a break that we deserve. We're only human after all, with weaknesses and flaws and can't take on the world from one endless pursuit to another. You'll give yourself a pat on the back later on for the breathing space. Unless you're completely doubtless, ready and able to accept the consequences of the long and winding road.

 

Have a clear conscience. To secure peace of mind. Obtain your own closure if you can't get answers to things that are beyond your comprehension. As long as you've tried your best and have put whatever means laid in front of you to use with good intentions, don't murder yourself over situations you can't control. Over information you were not privy to. Ponder and fret you will but everything has its limit. An expiry date. Some things are just not worth wasting your prolonged time, feelings and thoughts over.

 

Certain desires like fantasies are not meant to be realised.

They are merely flights of the imagination, and solely exist to frolick and flutter like playful butterflies in the playground of our minds.

I is Stupid

I did the most foolish unimaginable thing last night.

I applied a scar gel for usage on my knee, on my eye accidentally.

Practically bathed in Saline solution for I used an entire bottle of it to try and wash the gel out. How on earth did this happen one might ask. Well, the scar gel mysteriously ended inside my eye lubricant box. I realised my stupidity when I did not feel the cooling effect that I usually experience with the lubricant.

Got worried about the possible complications, more so since I just got 'zapped' and did a search on the ingredient ("Dimethicones") online. Found out it is one of several types of silicone.

Polydimethylsiloxane (PDMS) is the most widely used silicon-based organic polymer, and is particularly known for its unusual rheological (or flow) properties. It is optically clear, and is generally considered to be inert, non-toxic and non-flammable (Thank God!). PDMS has been assigned CAS number 63148-62-9, and is occasionally called dimethicone. It is one of several types of silicone oil (polymerized siloxane).

PDMS has also been used as a filler fluid in breast implants , although this practice has decreased somewhat, due to safety concerns. It continues to be used in knuckle replacement implants, with good results.

Dimethicone is also used widely in skin moisturizing lotions, listed as an active ingredient whose purpose is "skin protectant." Some cosmetic formulations use dimethicone and related siloxane polymers in concentrations of use up to 15%. The Cosmetic Ingredient Review's (CIR) Expert Panel, has concluded that dimethicone and related polymers are "safe as used in cosmetic formulations.

[bimbo talk]

Does this mean my left eye is going to get bigger?

Sigh. The circus with the left eye never ends.

Addicted Anonymous

"In the hospital, we see addiction every day. It's shocking how many kinds of addiction exist. It would be too easy if it were just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive, compulsive, out of control. It's the high we're chasing, the high that makes everything else fade away..."

 

We all have an addiction of some sort. Perhaps we will always be hooked on it for to us, there is no known cure. It's like seeing your ex again after years of uncrossed paths. You're weak in the knees, your heart is thumping and you realise you're not that over him.

 

And even if there is a cure known to us, the question of whether we would induce the cure on ourselves is another. Some of us are too afraid, fearful of the unknown as to what happens after. Because of this, we remain addicted for it feels safer even although it's not healthy to our being. This is similarly the case for people in abusive relationships. Stuck in a vicious comfort zone, we get too comfortable for our own good. Some of us do strive to push forward but arch backwards instead and experience the pain over and over and over again. 

 

There is a common universal remedy in all addictive situations. The remedy is simply the truth. The truth stings but it will numb us and set us free. It allows for liberation and emancipation, releasing us from the invisible chains that bind. Only then we will be able to clear our conscience, overcome the enemy within and come clean. But the question of whether we want to face the truth or otherwise is inevitably ours to answer, our choice to make.

 

I point my finger at unrealised expectations, for addictions. And the root of impulses is where the stems originate from. 

 

An Impulse -->  Chasing the High --> The Unexpected --> Unrealised Expectation --> The Addiction

 

I'm Perfectly Flawed and I'm an addict.

Robbed

I feel robbed. Cheated... because my expectations were not met. Blatant truth that sometimes expectations sell us short. Which makes me wonder why oh why do we cling on to expectations? Even when our instincts tell us that we're gonna be disappointed somehow, in one way or another.

 

Because expectations produce adrenaline that explains the smile, that silly grin on our face.

Because we give in to our impulses from which desires and fantasies are created.

Because we need something to look forward to amongst the mundaneness affairs of life. 

 

"At any given moment, the brain has 14 billion neurons firing at a speed of 450 miles per hour. We don't have control over most of them. When we get a chill... goose bumps. When we get excited... adrenaline. The body naturally follows its impulses, which I think is part of what makes it so hard for us to control ours. Of course, sometimes we have impulses we would rather not control, that we later wish we had."

 

I blame impulses for our bodies are slaves to it. We are fueled, we chase the high then the unexpected happens and everything hits rock bottom. Shitty ain't it? That's why one should always trust and follow their instincts. Trust, follow and obey.

Testing 123

Darn server at work has blocked Blogger but thankfully I can still read blogs.

This is a test to see if I can email my future posts from my Gmail to Blogger.

Not a good start to the week. Woke up with a feeling that something bad's gonna happen and I'm usually right when this instinct hits me. Just a matter of 'when' it will occur.

I hope I'm wrong this time. Let me be mistaken. Sigh.

Zapped

I'm back to slaving for The Initials today. Over the weekend, I was willingly abducted by 'alien' specialists who did miraculous things to my eyes. Well, that's how I felt throughout the whole ordeal. Was like an episode from 'Taken' where aliens kidnapped and transported human beings to their mothership to implant mechanisms inside them.

The experience was surreal and not for the faint hearted. I reckon a roller coaster ride is less unnerving. My heart was beating profusely like never before as my cornea was being laser-ed. While prepping up, Doc Zap-Zap said "Do not think of anything else alright? Just focus on the lights okay?". Tried my best not to move for fear that the procedure will turn awry and focused very intently on the white and red lights that flickered. Focus. Focus. I told myself. What can I say, in the name of vanity, of M.A.C and Dior, I saw no other choice.

I repeatedly hummed The Sound Of Music's 'My Favourite Things' silently in my mind over and over again.

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens;

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens;

Brown paper packages tied up with strings;

These are a few of my favorite things.

How Does It Work?

LASIK or Laser-in-Situ Keratomileusis, utilises state-of-the-art Excimer Laser to reshape the corneal tissue beneath the surface of the cornea. LASIK combines the accuracy of the Excimer Laser with the healing benefits of a surgical procedure short sight, long sight and astigmatism.

LASIK involves cutting and lifting a very thin layer of skin on the corneal surface, lasering the exposed tissue and then replacing the layer without stitches.

Step 1:
A thin flap is created using a device called a "Microkeratome" and flap is lifted
Step 2:
A cool beam laser is applied to the cornea to reshape the cornea curvature
Step 3:
The corneal flap is repositioned over the treated area and stays in place without stitches

I was recommended and opted for Intra-Lasik instead as my kornea was not thick enough for Lasik due to my long wearing of contact lenses but the same 1,2,3 steps applied. And let me assure those contemplating to do this that it is absolutely painless. Only some mild irritation once the numbness wears off from the dilation but of course you'll be prescribed with Ponstan to help manage.

Let there be sight I prayed before, during and after. And I'm happy to say there was, almost immediately for me. Here's to a life without glasses and contact lenses. Perhaps I should start a 'I Was Zapped and Survived It' club. Hhmm...