Then and Now

Time does not stand still for us. That’s why our Hope and Dreams…have to be attained through Ways and Means.

- Perfectly Flawed

Today I thought about how fast time is passing us by, like a speed train relentless towards its destination. Day by day, month by month, year by year...

I’ve always had this paranoia that my life won’t turn out the way I want it to be and when I reach middle age, I will find myself looking back and feeling disappointed. Regretting that I did not make it, that I did not make the best out of my life and what it had to offer. That I did not use my capabilities, unlock my hidden potential and made the wrong choices along the way that had a lasting, painful effect on me. That somehow I ended up settling for a life less ordinary, where I'll be living out a life that simply was the next best thing that could have happened instead.

I do not want my fear to become a reality. I know this is something I can control but every little detail only time will tell, whether I climb on life’s rainbows or drown in its swamps.

After all life is what you make of it, right? RIGHT? One life. One shot.

Changes…

This time last year, I made lots of friends who I have grown to be close to.

This time last year I was partying two to three times a week.

This time last year I was still in my old job.

This time last year I had strong hopes but now they’re extinguishing.

This time last year I still had my trademark fringe.

This time last year my mobile was still in good condition.

This time last year I had not met you.

This time last year I had not started blogging yet.

This time last year I have not gotten drunk before.

This time last year I did not know the difference between ‘advice’ and ‘advise’, ‘it’ and ‘it’s’.

This time last year I did not know that one roti canai consists of 3000 calories which is the amount of calories we need per day.

This time last year I had not kissed two girls in one night.

This time last year I had not had a Melting Sensation.

This time last year fine lines had not developed around my eyes.

This time last year I didn’t know rubbing two noses together is called a Hongi which is a Kiwi thing.

This time last year I had not been to the Philharmonic.

This time last year the darn haze was not here.

…and the list goes on I’m sure.

Stagnant…

Lots of things from my passion for my favourite things to the way I am, where I’m still as complicated as ever…perhaps even more…

Still filled with questions left unanswered.

Still filled with doubts and worries.

Still filled with love for life and happiness.

Still filled with persistence.

Still filled with a wish to get my passport stamped in Paris.

Still filled with encumbrance.

Still filled with patience in waiting for people.

Still filled with flaws.

Still filled with expectations for myself and of others.

Still filled with hopes and dreams that are yet to come true.

In conclusion, more or less I'm still filled with full of shit.