The economist Robert Frank (Hotheads) compares the marriage market with the rental market. Landlords desire the best of all tenants but settle for the best they can find, and renters want the best of all apartments but settle for the best they can find. Each invests in the apartment (the landlord may paint it the tenant's favourite colour; the tenant may install permanent decorations), so each would be harmed if the other suddenly terminated the agreement. If the tenant could leave for a better flat, the landlord would have to bear the costs of an unrented unit and the search for a new tenant; he would have to charge a high rent to cover that risk, and would be loathe to paint. If the landlord could evict the tenant for a better one, the tenant would have to search for a new home; she would be willing to pay only a low rent, and would not bother to keep the apartment in good shape, if she had to expose herself to that risk. If the best tenant were renting the best apartment, the worries would be moot; neither would want to end the agreement. But since both have to compromise, they protect themselves by signing a lease that is expensive for either to break. By agreeing to restrict his own freedom to evict, the landlord can charge a higher rent. By agreeing to restrict her own freedom to leave, the tenant can demand a lower rent. Lack of choice works to each one's advantage.
Guess most of our parents found the ideal tenant and landlord in each other...
How then can we be sure we'll experience the same fortunate fate as them?
One answer according to Steven Pinker (Hotheads) is, don't accept a partner who wanted you for rational reasons to begin with; look for a partner who is committed to staying with you because you are you. Committed by what? Committed by an emotion. An emotion that the person did not decide to have, and so cannot decide not to have. An emotion that was not triggered by your objective mate-value and so will not be alienated by someone with greater mate-value. An emotion that is guaranteed not to be a fake because it has psychological costs like tachcardia, insomnia, and anorexia. An emotion like romantic love.
Don't know what to make of this. Mind's blank but at the same time it's mixed up like a blender in motion. Thoughts are racing but to no finish line. What do you think?
2 Comments:
As I read the entry, my take is that there are 2 different, not necessary mutual link between them.
The first, MARRIAGE. The lease is MARRIAGE. An agreement that shouldn't be broken. But it is also disheartening to see nowadays people are breaking off the lease easily through divorces. It seems so easy. Get a divorce if both party can't work things out. It's mutual isn't it? But that thought would never exist with our elder generations. They will try to work things out until issues are sorted. Not taking the easy way out by ignoring the issue. Maybe it's me. I may be accused of lacking romantism, but I still believe in the sanctity of marriage.
The second... I am still having some thoughts about it... but just a question that came to me... what makes Steven Pinker thinks that emotions wouldn't change? What if emotions change? After all, we see changes in emotions on daily basis...
u know wat guys . i think we ponder too much in this relationship, marriages ..etc too much issue about it in your blogs .. have abit of change can ah? there's more to life than wondering wat is love? or leasing for tat matter .. none of us are perfect . therefore there aren't perfect tenants or renters .. no perfect couples in this world .. and i do agree with kenny .. we 'signed' the 'leasing contract' because its mutual and then later found out we no longer co-exist then we have another 'mutual agreement' to divorce .. its just so not asian culture man .. and i agree with kenny tat we shud actually solve it rather than having the mutual agreement to divorce .. the 2nd part .. isn't it obvious we get the 'emotion' to get married in the first place? we love each other so tats why we get married rite? otherwise i would have an emotionless sex! kekeke
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