Scrambled
No Life and Love is perfect. No one is an exception over this. Secrets and discontent may lie even beneath the smoothest surface. However, Life and Love is what you make of it. No one can guarantee you happiness. They can only promise to try their best and live up to it.
Thanks to my existing scrambled state of mind, I saw flashbacks of yesteryears and realised how easy, how straightforward Love used to be for me compared to the complicated facade it now wears. What a mess I've made out of Love. Presently, I am still digging and deeper into the hole that of which I've already dug.
Sometimes I just want to be in the normality again but everytime I'm ready to take a leap of faith, doubts flood over me and wash me down. I am one who trusts her instincts and have always relied on them to give me signs. I may be paranoid, a drama mama because of this nature of mine but it has again proven itself right even when I brushed them aside.
On one hand, I admit these fears of flying into a clear blue sky originate from my own doing but the situation worsens when the people you care about hurt you. It might not be their intention, for perhaps they truly, madly, deeply care for you but it does not help. I am aware that I have no right to feel a certain way and I can't continue to feed my selfishness. But if there's one thing I can't deny? It's my emotions, my feelings and I can safely say, I will never strip away or remove anyone's priviledge of expressing themselves for I do in any circumstance.
Sigh, maybe I'm hoping for too much...maybe I don't deserve a fairytale come true...maybe I should not expect the world from anyone at all...but just a fragment, a specimen, a speckle of it. Maybe what I'm searching for I won't find at any door. Maybe this is as good as it gets...
Where do I go from here it's not clear...Will the fears in me that keeps me seemingly alone be erased?...Will Love, which is the root and cause of all my problems, ultimately bring me home sweet home?
Sometimes I just want to be in the normality again but everytime I'm ready to take a leap of faith, doubts flood over me and wash me down. I am one who trusts her instincts and have always relied on them to give me signs. I may be paranoid, a drama mama because of this nature of mine but it has again proven itself right even when I brushed them aside.
On one hand, I admit these fears of flying into a clear blue sky originate from my own doing but the situation worsens when the people you care about hurt you. It might not be their intention, for perhaps they truly, madly, deeply care for you but it does not help. I am aware that I have no right to feel a certain way and I can't continue to feed my selfishness. But if there's one thing I can't deny? It's my emotions, my feelings and I can safely say, I will never strip away or remove anyone's priviledge of expressing themselves for I do in any circumstance.
Sigh, maybe I'm hoping for too much...maybe I don't deserve a fairytale come true...maybe I should not expect the world from anyone at all...but just a fragment, a specimen, a speckle of it. Maybe what I'm searching for I won't find at any door. Maybe this is as good as it gets...
Where do I go from here it's not clear...Will the fears in me that keeps me seemingly alone be erased?...Will Love, which is the root and cause of all my problems, ultimately bring me home sweet home?
My head already knows, but my heart won't let go...only time will tell. Only time will burn the flames of hope or rip it apart like the castle in the sand.
I feel as though I'm a beautiful gown, but one who's coming apart at the seams.
This is a woman's weakness. This is Love.
posted by Perfectly Flawed® at 7:21 pm
2 Comments:
Just a thought as I sit idly here in my office... staring at my computer screens... the photocopying machine running... my two colleagues cracking their heads and working their eyes and hands...
Why not let LOVE be your STRENGTH instead of it being your weakness?
Because Love has always put me in predicaments and the way I was feeling when composing did not help the positive.
Still think it is more to my weakness but in a way yeah, I guess it is my strength too, for it fuels my life, it motivates and inspires me, makes me do things I never thought I would.
Sigh, the ironies of Love.
Thanks for popping by in the wee hours of the morning. Feels good when someone you know is reading your blog while you were sleeping.
You're idle but your words are active and playing in the minds of others :).
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