Confessions of an Ex-relationship
If I got down on my knees and I pleaded with you
If I crossed a million oceans just to be with you
Would you ever let me down?
If I climbed the highest mountain just to hold you tight
If I said that I would love you every single night
Would you ever let me down?
Well I'm sorry if it sounds kind of sad
It's just that I'm worried, so worried that you'll let me down
Because I love you, love you, love you
So don't let me down...
If I swam the longest river just to call your name
If I said the way I feel for you would never change
Would you ever fool around?
Well I'm sorry if it sounds kind of bad
It's just that I'm worried, I'm so worried that you'll let me down
- 'Because I Love You' by Shakin Stevens
Someone special from the past dedicated this song to me. Was one of our songs. Being a 'rocker' at heart, he learned the guitar tabs and sang it on the phone when we were separated for almost a year as I was studying overseas. Still remember the happy tears that welled up in my eyes when I heard the words. Touched my heart so and I felt the depths of his love for me.
We are not as one now. I broke his heart. His worries became reality and I did let him down. He was everything anyone could ever ask for in a partner - funny, kind, caring, honest and loyal. I took his love for granted and in the process I hurt and disappointed him. There's no excuse for what I did for I was aware of the consequences of my actions but sometimes we've gotta do what we've gotta do. I listened to my heart and I left him. I knew if I stayed, he would treat me good, like every man should be to a woman. I would always be on a pedestal in his eyes. I loved him dearly but my heart was not beating for him.
The world did not understand my choice and my guard was down, I avoided defending myself. If I was part of an audience watching my life story unfold, I would question and wonder why too. "You were the perfect couple", some said. Others thought we were definitely heading down the isle in time to come . At one point, he did express his intentions in us getting engaged but I thought we were too young. I was not ready. Perhaps it was a sign then.
Not long after we parted, he found love again. I thought it was too soon but then, who was I to say anything? I was guilty as sentenced. I couldn't expect him to pine over me forever right? Whatever it is, I hope she loves him with the same intensity as he can for he deserves nothing less and may it be a balance.
We had each other for a period, a phase in our lives. It begun and ended. Now all that's left are memories. Memories that paint vivid, bittersweet pictures that fill some of the happiest corners of my mind. The things we used to do and the way we were never fails to bring a smile to my face when I look back and reminisce. Though he might feel a different sort of 'passion' for me now, I shall hold my silence and let it be.
I am thankful fate arranged for us to meet again after all those years of not seeing each other, thankful that our friendship blossomed into love and thankful that I belonged to someone who loved me just the way I am, for who I am and what I am. I did not appreciate and cherish something beautiful that was in my grasp. I let it slip and walked away.
Part of me was filled with regrets over what I did but I realised that there was no way I could ignore my heart's calling. It would be worse if I remained in his arms knowing I longed for the embrace of another. Yesterday marked our anniversary. We would have been 4 years and 8 months. Significant numbers to us somehow. Me and my obsession with numbers came up with a quite a silly equation one day while we were hanging out and being silly.
11 (November) - 7 (July) = 4
24(his birthdate) - 20 (mine) = 4
* Figures have been changed to protect the actual persons
Was whining that it's not a good omen with everything being 4.
He responded immediately with his own equation.
"Why 4 + 4 = prosperous 8 dear..."
Sigh, simple but sweet huh? Guess my equation was more accurate. I foretold our future and played it out. I was wrong in not cherishing him and his love, but I did the right thing when I said goodbye.
"You don't choose who you love, no matter who you are..."
To the one who light up my life...who was always a clown being around,
If I crossed a million oceans just to be with you
Would you ever let me down?
If I climbed the highest mountain just to hold you tight
If I said that I would love you every single night
Would you ever let me down?
Well I'm sorry if it sounds kind of sad
It's just that I'm worried, so worried that you'll let me down
Because I love you, love you, love you
So don't let me down...
If I swam the longest river just to call your name
If I said the way I feel for you would never change
Would you ever fool around?
Well I'm sorry if it sounds kind of bad
It's just that I'm worried, I'm so worried that you'll let me down
- 'Because I Love You' by Shakin Stevens
Someone special from the past dedicated this song to me. Was one of our songs. Being a 'rocker' at heart, he learned the guitar tabs and sang it on the phone when we were separated for almost a year as I was studying overseas. Still remember the happy tears that welled up in my eyes when I heard the words. Touched my heart so and I felt the depths of his love for me.
We are not as one now. I broke his heart. His worries became reality and I did let him down. He was everything anyone could ever ask for in a partner - funny, kind, caring, honest and loyal. I took his love for granted and in the process I hurt and disappointed him. There's no excuse for what I did for I was aware of the consequences of my actions but sometimes we've gotta do what we've gotta do. I listened to my heart and I left him. I knew if I stayed, he would treat me good, like every man should be to a woman. I would always be on a pedestal in his eyes. I loved him dearly but my heart was not beating for him.
The world did not understand my choice and my guard was down, I avoided defending myself. If I was part of an audience watching my life story unfold, I would question and wonder why too. "You were the perfect couple", some said. Others thought we were definitely heading down the isle in time to come . At one point, he did express his intentions in us getting engaged but I thought we were too young. I was not ready. Perhaps it was a sign then.
Not long after we parted, he found love again. I thought it was too soon but then, who was I to say anything? I was guilty as sentenced. I couldn't expect him to pine over me forever right? Whatever it is, I hope she loves him with the same intensity as he can for he deserves nothing less and may it be a balance.
We had each other for a period, a phase in our lives. It begun and ended. Now all that's left are memories. Memories that paint vivid, bittersweet pictures that fill some of the happiest corners of my mind. The things we used to do and the way we were never fails to bring a smile to my face when I look back and reminisce. Though he might feel a different sort of 'passion' for me now, I shall hold my silence and let it be.
I am thankful fate arranged for us to meet again after all those years of not seeing each other, thankful that our friendship blossomed into love and thankful that I belonged to someone who loved me just the way I am, for who I am and what I am. I did not appreciate and cherish something beautiful that was in my grasp. I let it slip and walked away.
Part of me was filled with regrets over what I did but I realised that there was no way I could ignore my heart's calling. It would be worse if I remained in his arms knowing I longed for the embrace of another. Yesterday marked our anniversary. We would have been 4 years and 8 months. Significant numbers to us somehow. Me and my obsession with numbers came up with a quite a silly equation one day while we were hanging out and being silly.
11 (November) - 7 (July) = 4
24(his birthdate) - 20 (mine) = 4
* Figures have been changed to protect the actual persons
Was whining that it's not a good omen with everything being 4.
He responded immediately with his own equation.
"Why 4 + 4 = prosperous 8 dear..."
Sigh, simple but sweet huh? Guess my equation was more accurate. I foretold our future and played it out. I was wrong in not cherishing him and his love, but I did the right thing when I said goodbye.
"You don't choose who you love, no matter who you are..."
To the one who light up my life...who was always a clown being around,
I wish you all the happiness life can bring. Thank you for knowing me, yet loving me still, and thinking the world of me.
posted by Perfectly Flawed® at 10:31 pm
11 Comments:
Very sweet. Talk about the significance of a date. Sigh.
MAC*
Nice of you to pop by MAC* :) Yeah, I have a thing for numbers/dates so...most of the time it's me who remembers. Well some numbers/dates tend to live in your mind for the longest time. It's like they have a reserved place in your heart regardless of the situation between you and the person involved in the memories.
I had a similiar experience like you. I let it slip and walked away. No one to blame beside myself. Or else it will be marked 4 years & 10 months.
Unknown,
One thing's for sure, we can't turn back the clock. As long as we learn from it and brace ourselves for the next best thing or hope for better things to come our way...
Hmmm...i just hv 'a bit' similar case like u.Why 'a bit'? coz i really let it slip and walked away but we get back again after a year break up.
The year without him, i did really met my so called dream guy but it ended up very painfully.
No matter wat happen to me,he still the ONE who r so patient and keep waiting for me and always reserved his shoulder for me.
I felt touched and we get back again.
I do hv few choices around me but i'm not dare to take the risk to keep 'exploring'again and i think the last time break up was a 'test' fr god to let me know who is the one i should stay wif.
Anonymous,
You met your dream guy but ended up back in the arms of the one who waited in love with you. Not many people get this chance.
As long as you're happy with him and contented, then life's good for you know that person who stayed really loves you in spite of what happened. Just don't realise later that this is not something you can live with.
I chose to chase for something that everyone said is unattainable but I knew I had to at least give it a shot. At least try...and my best at it.
Wish you all the best, you and him :).
Thanks :)
Wish you all the best too;)
What has gone had gone... Appreciate the presence...
A better tomorrow will come...
Be happy!
Yep, I'm and still waiting patiently for the next beau to walk into my life. Tried to chase for something that everyone said is unattainable as well, failed not only once but the bottom line is.. at least we try...
The Unknown,
Count me in too. For me, it's better trying than regretting later we never did. Don't need and want 'what ifs' or 'maybes'...for they will be like dark clouds we might never rise above.
Hope you find the love of your life soon :).
can i say that human is 'fan jin'... nvr treasure our own belongings but like to appreaciate other ppl's belongings... but no matter wat... we will get wat we trully deserved...
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