A Reluctant Groom

- from anjalispeaks

Ornament placed on a wedding cake. A bride dragging her groom to the aisle...

I reckon it adds a naughty twist to the classic bride and groom standing next to each other pose. It's all about the details and this is so wicked! I'm tickled and I *heart* it.

I feel like the weather today...

It’s a gloomy and damp day. I’ve lost the drive to get things done at work and as a result I am procrastinating. Very unproductive I know but what the heck. I blame the weather. Perfect for tucking under the sheets, can’t help but wish I was at home hibernating.

“Take it one day at a time. With no expectations...” said SG.

But the thing with an expectation is... How can one not have any when hope is created? It’s like when someone tells you that they’ll see you next week. Of course there will be expectations that it’s going to happen right? We’ll only be lying to ourselves if we didn’t have an ounce of hope.

Therefore, the motto now to live by is - I’ll believe it when I see it not hear it. The glass is half empty not half full.

Sometimes I feel like a stranger in my own existence.

Tell me a story where there is less drama in life. I would like to hear the simplicity of it.

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And before I could publish this post my conscience spoke. The sane part of me in its minimal degree decided to come forth and make itself heard. And I find myself releasing a heavy sigh but one of relief. That I am healthy or so I like to believe, am making a decent living although I could do with more moolah and not staying in a war torn country where everyday is a living uncertainty.

Arrgghhhhh.

I am my own worst enemy.

I am my own worst enemy.

I am my own worst enemy.

How now brown cow???

In a while crocodile...

Don't fuck daffy duck.

Sigh.

This story made me go aaawww...

An hour before my ceremony, I nearly collapsed. As the photographer snapped pictures, my smile was strained; I was terrified. My fiance, Brad, and I had dated for two years and been engaged for one. We knew each other well. But did we know what the future would hold for us? Of course not. "So let me get this straight," my brain was saying. "I'm supposed to decide today to be with one person for the rest of my life because, up until now, things have been great? Because, so far, I still love him?"

This made no sense. I was tormented by what everyone had told me for years about marriage in general, and my fiance in particular -- the old "you'll just know" or "trust your gut." Well, this time, I didn't know, and my gut had a bad stomachache. So naturally, I took the path of any good drama queen: I dropped my bouquet, slumped into a nearby chair, and burst into tears.

Brad rushed over and shooed away the photographer. While he was aware that I'd had many doubts during the past year I'd had many doubts during the past year, he had none. My own hesitations, on the other hand, were quite serious; I'd even harbored a crush on another man during my engagement year. I'd confessed everything to Brad -- I did love him, after all, and wanted our relationship to be honest. But we were so different -- opposites in too many ways. (More than one friend had observed that we were a lot like that Green Acres couple from the '70s: I was "Gimme Park Avenue" and he was "Farm Livin' Is the Life for Me.")

How could it work, I wondered, when reality would inevitably come knocking? We loved each other -- a lot, as it turned out. But what sane person could believe that love alone would pass the test of time, particularly when 50 percent of today's marriages end in divorce?

So there I was: big white dress, mascara running. "How can I say 'forever'?" I sobbed. "It's too long to commit to!" Brad took my hand. "How about this," he said gently, not even remotely offended. "Can you commit to being with me for one year?"

"Of course," I said, sniffling."That's easy, but -- " He interrupted me. "Then let's take it one year at a time. Publicly, we'll say our vows, 'until death do us part.' But privately, we'll have our own little arrangement. Each year on our anniversary, I'll ask you if you want to renew. We'll do this a year at a time. Can you do that?"

Overwhelmed by the generosity of his answer, I said that I could. And I did.

***

What a 'generous' man... now this is an example of loving someone truly.

Of course, if seen from a cynical viewpoint Brad took the opportunity to keep his options open. Creating an escape clause on his wedding day! But then again, no marriage is carved in stone anyway. It does not mean a union will last forever and a day once it's consummated in front of God and the world. No one can be utmost certain that their marriage will stand the test of time.

After all, a marriage is between the two people involved in it at the end of the day. And isn't the whole point of an anniversary celebrated for two people to renew their commitment to each other yearly?

I say yes.

Eye Candy

Over lunchtime...

A potential business plan was proposed to me. I've aptly named it 'The Sweeeetest Thing'. A joint venture that might involve girls dressing up as French maids. My fingers and toes are crossed for this sugar-coated dream to come true.

I received an unexpected SMS from a friend about a possible job prospect. Not where I wanna be based next but no harm in trying out I reckon. After all it feels good to be approached and to know what you're worth.

I vote for more Mondays like this :)

Legs Crossed

Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room?

If yes, welcome to the club.

Sigh...

The Bad Adams

What is it 'bout men?

The scums of men that is.

Scums who think that they're God's gift to women.

Sometimes it's such a shame that there's a need or a want for this defected, self-obsessed batch.

Fools they make of us. Like a jester in a king's court.

Dreams Don't Come True

Smooth dreams in leaves raised in teacup,
Sticked down to sleep like an envelope.

I've been experiencing vivid dreams over the past few days. Beautiful and wondrous dreams if I may say. And in it, things that I long and yearn for to happen during the day take the leap from fantasy to reality at night. If someone were to watch me sleep, they would have seen me smiling contently.

But you know what they say? If you remember a dream, it won't come true. If you don't, then when it does happen, it's called dé·jà vu.

Unfortunate ain't it? Guess my hopes and wishes will breathe life and come out to play only at the Sandman's mercy. Unless they somehow manage to find their way to rise and shine to the dawn.

What a nice piece of ass.

Now this is what I call attaining liberation...

Standing stark naked and shouting out to the open sea with incoming rough waves.
"He's like standing there enjoying a blowjob from an invisible woman." said the feathered one.

We can always count on men to twist something, in this case a work of art, over to the dirty side.

It's Monday. I shall let the lyrics speak...

You've seen life through distorted eyes
You know you had to learn
The execution of your mind
You really had to turn

The race is run the book is read
The end begins to show
The truth is out, the lies are old
But you don't want to know

Nobody will ever let you know
When you ask the reasons why
They just tell you that you're on your own
Fill your head all full of lies

The people who have crippled you
You want to see them burn
The gates of life have closed on you
And now there's just no return
No one, no one nobody...

Sick and tired and sleepless
With no one else to shine for
Sick of all my distress but I won't show you
Something here's so wrong

Nothing is complete, nowhere to belong
Symptoms are so deep
I think I'd better stay here on my own
So spare me if you please...

As always, I shall hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
What else can I do???
The dice is with you and I feel like a fool.

Waiting is not a pleasure...

... when there is no confirmation of words.

... when there is only silence.

The heart wonders and the heads fights a battle for insane hopes.

Patient anticipations...

Tormented, the watcher falls from grace.

The Mean Reds

From Breakfast at Tiffany's...
Holly Golightly:
You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak:
The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly:
No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul Varjak:
Sure.

Having a case of the mean reds today.
Self-professed theory: Too much happiness in a single day kills the positive vibes for the next day.

TTFN... Ta-ta For Now...

I see the lights are turning and I look outside,

The stars are burning through this changing time,

It could be anything we want,

Salvation is not just a passing thought,

It's a chance to align our paths,

I know there are more exciting things to talk about,

And in time we'll sort it out,

Perpetuality could be possible,

It's probable,

I see the course we're fluttering on,

And I'll hold on...

Take care down south...*proo proo*

xoxoxo

Choice & Chance

Sometimes, life is not about having choices.

It is more about having none.

You're my last choice. I'm your only chance.

I Use Drugs & I *Heart Sad Love Songs

For you I was a flame
Love is a losing game
Five story fire as you came
Love is a losing game

Why do I wish I never played?
Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Played out by the band
Love is a losing hand
More than I could stand
Love is a losing hand

Self professed... profound
Till the chips were down
Know you’re a gambling man
Love is a losing hand

Though I’m rather blind
Love is a fate resigned
Memories mar my mind
Love is a fate resigned

Over futile odds
And laughed at by the Gods
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game

Under house arrest, I have been drugged with Amy, Sally, antibiotics and steroids. Amy's Back to Black album has been in the loop incessantly together with Sally's 'A Woman's Weakness' and I don't know why. I don't even wanna try and figure this one out. I blame the heavy dosage of medication. Hey, when you're on medication every 15 mins and 4 hourly, you'll be open to anything.

This is why animals should not be drugged and caged. Because humans go crazy when they are.

He left no time to regret
Kept his dick wet
With his same old safe bet
Me and my head high
And my tears dry
Get on without my guy
You went back to what you knew
So far removed from all that we went through
And I tread a troubled track
My odds are stacked
I'll go back to black
We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to...
I go back to us