Apology accepted. Moving on...

...what's in store?

There will be pampering today.
Pre-V Day dinner tomorrow.
Then, I'll be fluttering home to the peninsular on Friday.
Followed by the mystical island next week. I love February. Gleeful February as I'm calling it. 15 days of work for a full month's pay. Plus it comes with festivities, family and friends :)

Happy Lunar New Year... roar!

Monday Blues on a Tuesday.

No one, does.

I don't appreciate being snapped at (and openly at that) about an issue I am clearly not aware of. I asked a question. All that was required? Simply a swift answer, replied in an acceptable manner. Can't we be nice to one another amidst the office circus? If you don't know, just say you don't know. No one will blame you for not knowing. Seriously. I certainly wouldn't. I am not inconsiderate by nature for goodness sake and this I swear you know as a matter of fact. Don't tell me I should be privy to it and in a freaking sarcastic tone at that. If it was already processed in my CPU, I would not have asked you in the first place. I am not a starfish. Dammit. I tried my best not to be bothersome as you are occupied enough with your own s*** but I had to, you were my last resort.

I could have retaliated but I chose to be civil and professional. I walked away because you are one of my favourite people in this place. A place I dread waking up for everyday. Furthermore, my principle applies. Everyone gets three chances but not for everything. However, in this case it takes into effect. One down, two to go. I will tolerate round one, two and three but will not go quietly the fourth time (should it happen), for there was enough benefit of the doubt given and my conscience will be clear for me to react as I see fit.

There are days where I feel I am allergic to people and this is one of those days. I even went for lunch alone, and I rarely like to chew on my food without anyone looking back at me.

To rub salt to the wound, sad-bad news arrived in my Gmail this evening.

What a nice way to end the day.

I am thankful, I am thankful, I am thankful.

What was a blur is now, clear.

While getting ready for work this morning, Bi and I were talking about the possibility of a friend migrating to Kangoo Land and I remembered the opportunity my parents let go when I was a scrawny little girl with big-rimmed glasses at ten. They decided that home is home, our family will stay put in the peninsular and make the best out of it, someway, somehow. The reason why they strongly considered moving in the first place was for the same reason as those who have migrated, their children’s education. I was young and excited about moving to another country and after our initial entry visit, I was all for it. I eagerly anticipated the day to come and when my mum spilled the beans, I was disappointed.

I reckon this was my first disappointment, growing up. Reminiscing, I realised that this incident might have affected me in a way but it slipped into my subconscious. However, a certain seed was sown and it grew, flourished by my unfulfilled desire until it became a tree. A tree that symbolises my longing to live away for a large part of my life after.

Something triggered me then, as I was deep in my thoughts while applying my mascara. I thought about the people, and the past and present life I might not have known had my parents decided to start all over again in Kangoo Land. Perhaps, I will not be sitting where I am now and building a life here in the island. I would probably speak with an Aussie accent and be dating an Aussie, I joked to Bi. But then again, if I were the other me who had left the peninsular and thinking one day on what might have been had her family not left, I feel she would be thinking the same thing as me. That if life took a different route, she will not have come to know her people. Her backbone. Her pillars of strength, and that she will give her alternative life a pass.

Makes me wonder if parallel worlds with different outcomes exist as they do in movies and how our destiny, our life map can change with just a decision, whether it be ours or otherwise. I won’t mind having a peek at how the other me is doing. Bizarrely thinking, she could be a criminal on the run, wanted in like six countries and living by the moment for murdering her boyfriend in cold blood. Contrastingly, maybe somebody that keeps a low profile and owns a multi million-business empire designing and manufacturing heels for the porn industry. Or a mother to five girls and expecting number six who unknown to her is another girl (oh dear!). I guess I’ll never know.

Nevertheless, for all it is worth, I feel blessed with this version of my life that I currently grasp and hope there's more in store moving forward. Life is a work in progress. To more mini happies, God willing. And the journey ends when I breathe my last breath.

Today, the restlessness I’ve always felt back in the peninsular is now clarified. Justified, almost two decades later.

Thoughts on a Tuesday evening from Together-Me...

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it content - Lauren Bacall

I am truly contented then, in this sense. But then again, there's always room for improvement in certain aspects of my life. It's simply human nature, wanting more and I'm guilty as charged. However, I have learned to embrace the fact that I shall be thankful if it is given to me and manage the situation if otherwise. For there are others who are worse off than ourselves and the wheels of life will continue to spin, even without us keeping up. We cannot play the victim, everytime.

Hold on to the happiness we can grasp, appreciate those that matter and hope for better things to come is what we can do to help ourselves. However, first and foremost, we have to let go of what is no longer necessary first, for sometimes, letting go is the hardest thing to do and if we are able to do so, nothing is impossible moving forward.

What is needed is for us to take that crucial first step towards making a change in our lives and the rest will fall into place. Fundamentally, it is easier said than done and there's no denying that our choice will be packaged with hurdles, heartache and hurt but I have realised through my own experiences and from the tribulations of others that we are stronger than we think we are. This, is a gift that no one can take away from us. Even when we think we have lost it, it is hidden within our being.

You never know what you're made of until life breaks you into pieces and you have to put yourself back together again. Inevitably, the strength you discover along the way will be priceless. Priceless, indeed. And if you are fortunate enough to have friends and family who are supportive of you and your decisions no matter what, come what may, you are already halfway there.

Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong but it's alright,
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow...
-Corinne Bailey Rae

Together-Me comes and goes in phases. Like a schizophrenic patient, between hallucinating and being lucid. Therefore, I decided that it would be wise to store my together-thoughts in a post for future usage and to 'break glass only during an emergency'.