Banished...

FF kicked me out, expelled me from her site. Friend of hers say it created confusion :( Now, here I am with my own site. Sigh...as you can see my two blogs below have been posted at her site and have now found a new home here.

Hope my site does not become a white elephant, festering and rotting in the realms of cyberspace...

Life Coach

This word was mentioned during an episode of Nip & Tuck recently. Imagine having someone to coach us on life, on what we should do or should not…guiding us all the way...where we would never go wrong, never make a mistake…never fall…I reckon life would be perfectly smooth sailing for a while...but sooner or later I guess it'll start to be boring and mundane. We are who we are, we come with our flaws...it's part of the package that comes with us.

Thinking about it, we all have our own life coach/s. Be it our friends or family. We seek advice, opinions and thoughts of these people who play an integral role in our lives. Why, most of us can say we have been there done that. A good friend once told me ‘Life is too short to learn only from your own mistakes, learn from others as well’…True…if we don’t experience our mistakes how will we ever learn from it? And the mistakes of others serve as a warning, a tell-tale sign. But then again a minority of us will still take the plunge others have taken. Where's the rationale in this?

Simple. 'The heart knows many secrets that the head doesn't'... some of us are ruled by our feelings and emotions. Not practicality and logicality. Hence, the Idealist versus the Realist situation. Guess it's pretty obvious by now I am someone who follows my heart. It has gotten me into many 'more than I can handle' situations... We make our bed and we lie in it...we make our choices and we live with it.

Bought a notebook that had this few interesting lines.

‘Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsence’

Try to live by these lines but being me, I often give myself a hard time with ‘should have’, ‘could have’, ‘if only’, ‘why didn’t I? etc. And the obvious, apparent truth that we can’t turn back time or undo the day after does not help. Not that I regret everyday that has passed by but agree with me when I say there are certain days you wish never saw the light of day…days that leave you as uncomfortable as a centerfold of a book, days that you would give 5 years of your life away for a chance to replay.

Therefore, I am now striving to live for the moments that take my breath away…for these moments leave beautiful imprints in our hearts...to cherish...

It’s all about the details…

28 April 2005

Today at lunch with FF, KG and his colleague Mr. Pinky/Tinge of Purple shirt Jacky, FF surprised me with quite a thorough observation of me and my antics and the way I naturally am. First thing was about the contents I have in my bag everyday and how they are stored. You see, I have a proper casing for certain things like my mobile, namecards, cosmetics, plasters for emergencies, pen, coins etc. She pointed out that these casings are either in black or purple and yes she knows it happens to be my favourite colours. Secondly the fact that I never seem to be able to finish my food, and that I will arrange the remains of my meal nicely on the side of the plate, not leaving it in a disarray. Thirdly, my sudden Q & A session during working hours. She could be busy in working mode and I will just throw of one my customized questions like "From what song did these lyrics come from?" at her and she will lose her train of thoughts much to her dismay.

Hhmm...it's funny how someone notices the strangest and most bizarre things about you and it is with these things you shall be remembered by and perhaps loved for and this is something which you do almost effortlessly. What more if you spend a considerable amount of time with a person. That's why it's all about the details....all about the things that make a person who they are, how they are put together, what makes them tick. And these will be the fundamental factors of 'loving someone with no maybes' I reckon... accepting them for who, what, and how they are... This way you will always know why you love the one you love and never forget...

Back to FF, I've been working with this rather lightweight being for 6 months and she has been a pleasure to be with. Told her this yesterday, ''You are the only one I look forward to seeing everyday when I come to work''...sounds so sheepish but it's true...these words were evoked from me mainly due to the not so encouraging working climate bellowing in our office lately. But hey, I would still feel the same way if everything were a breeze in the office, though those words might not have surfaced at all at this point of time.

Sigh..I'm getting sentimental on her.

How can life be what you want it to be when you're frozen...?

No man is an island...We all need someone...and we're indeed blessed if there's someone always close at hand to share our ups and downs, to catch us when we fall, hold us when we're in the depths of despair, sharing every moment, good or bad, happy or sad. Unfortunately, a majority of us fail to take some time off to share our words from deep inside as we're constantly chasing something, be it deadlines, time, people etc...We end up being in our own worlds spinning our wheels...However, thanks to the wondrous creation of cyberspace, there are blogspots. Lately I have been hit with the blog fever thanks to a dedicated blogger colleague, FayFay who happen to have started this site. Indeed a good avenue to vent out one's thoughts when no one is around to lend a listening ear, a good place to express ourselves. Been leaving my comments which at times are extra long and she suggested that I start one my own but I preferred to share it with her...'Sharing is caring'...Thanks FF :). You're my blogging inspiration.

Tell me if I'm wrong but there will always be a part of ourselves that is exclusive to us and us alone but of course there will be a chosen few who will have the privilege in knowing more about ourselves than others, upclose and personal and in certain cases more about ourselves than we do. There will also always be that one person who you will do anything for with no questions asked, no qualms whatsoever and this one person who is your pillar of strength will ultimately be your Achilles feet, your weakness too. No, this person need not necessarily be the one you will spend the rest of your days with. If fate and destiny does not bind the two of you together, you will love them from aside, let go and set free from yourself, the fact that there is no possibility and never will be a chance for an 'us' between the both of you. Nevertheless, nothing will take away the fact that he/she will forever have a special place in your heart and it is reserved only for him/her.

What's on my confused, used and abused mind now? A series of things. Someone special once told me that there are 5 fundamental key things that affect us in our life - family, friends, career, health and love. Believe it or not, he also pointed out that these key things have a domino effect with one another. I begged to differ but lately I have come to realize that perhaps he was right and still is...Some changes at work have crept up and have left me feeling doubtful about where I am, where I stand in my life right now. All of a sudden, I'm starting to be unsure about certain aspects of my life, particularly issues that dwell with regards to the key things I have brought up. Sure enough, the domino effect is taking place now and the 'It never rains but pours' mentality is consuming me. I don't know how many times I have mentioned or used this word over the week but I am officially, absolutely, most definitely encumbered...

Sometimes we just want to make things seem worse than they are for ourselves... wallowing in self pity is what it is... Maybe I'm just reacting to my pessimistic skeptical nature as a true Capricorn but where do I go from here? I don't wanna go on whining for it does not erase my worries and fears... what I need is a sign. I need a sign to tell me what to do... to put me on the road even if it's a road less traveled. At least I will have a direction; at least I can then take on the wheel and stir, rather than pulling over by the side, stranded, undecided...like a backpacker with nowhere to go...Yeah in a way I'm trying to escape myself from making decisions that affect my life and the way I live, leaving it to say... divine intervention whatsoever or help from the intangible but this spirited side of my persona does have faith in the One above, that things will work out for the best, for everyone's sake and mine...

For now, here lies my restless soul...standing by a dusty polluted roadside somewhere in the middle, constantly looking left and right. Merely, simply looking for a sign that will show me the way to go...I may be climbing on rainbows, hoping for a better tomorrow but here will I remain in this idle state, waiting and wishing...for that ray of light...

Or for some hitchhiker...go figure.