The person to whom this post is for will know what this means...

Was glad to be of service :)

Riding The Storm...

Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.

~Haruki Murakami: Kafka On The Shore

You are the only one that can do this...

Unable to take flight...

How does one fly again when their wings have been clipped?

I know it is strange and unbelievable how a formless thing like sorrow can expand and fill up your heart, and then swallow up your entire being. But yes, there is hope. And one day, this too, shall pass.

So help me God, I hope you're right.

Another day, just breathe, just believe...

Second Chances

Had a dinner appointment on Saturday and as I was walking through the underpass to VivoCity from the station, a young Indian girl who looked her teens with huge eyes and heavy makeup approached me and asked, "Hi Miss, do you believe in second chances?"

I was startled and replied with a quick 'Yes' and she immediately asked, "Do you believe ex-convicts deserve a second chance?"

"It depends", I said abruptly.

Then, " Miss, I'm an ex-convict. I would like to further my studies and my parents cannot support me. Would appreciate if you help me by buying these Christmas cards. It's only....."

And the rest is history. I parted with 10 bucks and told myself if it was a hoax and I just got conned, my conscience is clear. I gave in good faith. As I have no use for a packet of three Christmas cards (I already have a stack of company cards in which I have been procrastinating in sending out to relevant business contacts), I would like to give it away. I do delivery within the island. From what I remember, the cards are white with a little glitter.

Tis' the season for giving again...
I've always loved the festive month of December. Three occasions to eat, drink and be merry. But somehow, I feel that this year's celebrations are gonna be more subtle for me. Toned down. A part of me is not quite concerned but the other side of me yells, "It only happens once a year, woman! Damn you... don't rain on your own parade!"

I guess it all boils down to the company you want to keep at this time of the year. All I want for Christmas and for a certain date is in this box. And it's alive...

I wish I may I wish I might, have the wish I wish for tonight.

I died...

... and went to Heaven today.

One word: S_L_.
One clue: Red leather soles.

Done. Happy Birthday to me, myself & I.
I know... times are bad but it'll last 'forever'.

The day everyone told me I should buy a lottery ticket.

Usually my restless metronome will start clicking at full pace but not yester-Friday.

Contentment in this instance is a wonderful feeling. Like flying on a magic carpet. If this is as good as it gets, I would love to sign up for more...

Save room, save a little for me...

- John Legend

Alternate F4

Sometimes, having a somewhat photographic memory can be a curse.

You remember everything crystal clearly and vividly. The good, the bad, the happy and the sad without a silver lining.

When you see items that are of significance, things that mean something to you, or hear words spoken by others, your mind reacts and you get sucked into a wormhole to the past where flashbacks are triggered and you watch yourself and others perform, like in a theatre.

When it's over, you zap back to the future and life goes on. You continue breathing and nobody knows what just happened. Everything is just as it was. Perhaps not the way you think it should be.

Unfortunately, you can't pick and choose to forget certain unwanted memories. Even if it made you happy, even if it warmed your heart at some point in your life and gave you wings of hope to fly.

We should all be born with the convenience of deleting what is no longer necessary...

At the end of the day when the tide is low, we'll all be fine... won't we?

Shape of My Heart

by Sting

He deals the cards as a meditation
Ad those he plays never suspects
He doesn't play for the money he wins
He doesn't play for the respect

He deals the cards to find the answer
The sacred geometry of chance
The hidden law of probable outcome
The numbers lead a dance

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart

He may play the jack of diamonds
He may lay the queen of spades
He may conceal a king in his hand
While the memory of it fades

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape, the shape of my heart

And if I told you that I loved you
You'd maybe think there's something wrong
I'm not a woman of too many faces
The mask I wear is one

Those who speak know nothing
And find out to their cost
Like those who curse their luck in too many places
And those who smile are lost

I know that the spades are the swords of a soldier
I know that the clubs are weapons of war
I know that diamonds mean money for this art
But that's not the shape of my heart
That's not the shape of my heart

The Weekend That Was... *meow*

- Lots of calories intake: ICB's famous chicken wings and fries, Wan Ton Mee at a Bishan foodcourt, Pizza Hut delivery (pizza, meatballs, chicken wings and bread stix), Sakae Sushi at Junction 8 (do you know it's actually pronounced Sa-ka-ae?), yummylicious Seremban beef noodles at Marine Parade (cuts close to the original and worth the half hour wait), delicious mango pudding from Far East (searched four floors hunting for this and it was worth it too), sinned on Hershey's Bliss and Pods chocolate, half of Bakerzin's chocolate souffle, McD's vanilla sundae, a pint of Hoegaarden, half a can of Tiger and etc. Gasp! Forgive me, Tummy.

- Strolled through Orchard (and I do mean simply strolling because no retail therapy was involved for me although Christmas promos have hit the stores and this means I will have to start preparing my gifts list soon)

- Played Guitar Hero and Rock Band (decided to try and pick up the drums and guitar as well since I'm always the vocals and it's not like I'm Mariah)

- Watched Iron Man on DVD twice (I will say it again and again that Robert Downey Jr. is the MAN and was puuurfectly casted for this role although I won't say the same for Gwyneth unfortunately)

- Chilled and lazed around like a cat

As you can see, nothing much, nothing productive, no strenuous exercise, no partying hard... but the body and mind feels tired today. Must be age catching up with me and/or it could be that I belong to the headcount of the vast majority of people who suffer from Monday blues and withdrawal symptoms from the weekend. Someday, someone will have to find a cure. I will donate to the research and development for it, should funding be required.

Can't wait for Friday to be here... and it's only noon. Gosh.

I often like to think good things happen on Tuesdays (simply because I was born on a Tuesday) and that manages to bring about a little self inflicted mini upbeat tempo to the day. Like playing a kid's tambourine.

As for Wednesdays, well it's mid week. People celebrate whether or not they have a reason to. And there's Ladies' Night and Mambo Jambo.

Thursdays are a drag because it's neither here nor there. Stuck in between.

Then Friday comes and it's like a rainbow emerging from a storm.

There are six more weekends before we bid adieu to 2008. Here's to more happy Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays... that the best is yet to come, and good surprises are in store on weekend no. 51 and 52.

This girl is wishing and hoping...

The Scarlet 'R'

A theme to remember...

Starry Starry Night...

Dear E and C,

In a world filled with uncertainties, may you have a marriage made in Heaven here on Earth.

All my best wishes and love...

The End is the Beginning is the End.

I've been feeling heavy hearted since Thursday night while travelling home to dutifully assume my responsibilities for a best friend's wedding. It's as if my heart knows something that I'm oblivious to and because it does not register with me and my head, it carries the burden alone. I decided to place this encumbrance in a box. Not wanting it to spoil the weekend.

It's over...

The events that filled Friday, Saturday and Sunday has been tiring but truly and emotionally unforgettable. Many feelings were evoked. Happiness, anger, regret, hope, sadness. I reminisced, I unleashed, I cried and I laughed.

As I pack my bags soon and head back down south, I can only tell my heart to be still... for there's only so much one can say or do. Sometimes one's best is simply not enough, as painful as it may be to accept. Because as difficult as it is to digest, some of us realise our mistakes, regretfully and painfully on our own time. And we can only tell our heads to look forward, to try and move forward, even if baby steps are all we can manage for now.

You live and you learn. On some occasions, through the hardest way.