Release Form

Gosh, if you think kids say the darndest things...check in with your parents. They'll surprise you when you least expect it. There I was having dinner with them, attempting to tackle my piece of drumstick (fyi my favourite part) and my mom asked me "Girl, your dad wants to sign your release form". I was like, "Huh? Release form???". "Yeah, when are you going to get married so we can hand you over to someone who will take care of you?", she replies. My dear dad looked at me and smiled his smile.

Talk about timing. Here I am, in my current financially insecured state. Not proud to say I'm jobless though I chose to be (was offered 2 jobs but I turned it down because I know I am worth more) and this topic of me getting hitched comes up. Sigh...like I don't have enough things to worry and occupy my already confused, used and abused self with. There are just some things which you will never share with your parents. Simply better keeping it away from them. It's easier to let them have that image of you as their little girl or as their golden boy (for the guys) perpetually etched in their hearts and minds. I mean, how many of you can actually say "My parents know me. The real me and the shit that I do".

Don't get me wrong. My parents have been such a blessing to me and I'll never trade them in for another set. Love them just the way they are. The perfect blend. With all the trouble and rebelling they had to take in, chew, swallow and digest from me, I'm scared of the thought of becoming a mother one day. The idea of being responsible, fully entirely responsible for another at that, even more so, for my own flesh and blood is just absolutely unnerving!

My mom used to give this remark everytime I sent her temperature boiling. "One day when you're a mother, you'll know how I feel and I hope your daughter will be just like you!". Have to admit, it irritated the hell out of me everytime she used that line. I will sneer and try my best to keep my mouth shut, sealed, zipped lock no matter how much I wanted to retaliate. Nevertheless, I did succumb to my pride one day. I answered her back stating, "Did grandma tell you that?! If she did, then I must be a fine example of you!". My mother was shocked, fell into silence but she let me be. Of course I apologised for my rudeness and undaughter behaviour after the cooling down period.

But here's my argument. I'm thinking, is this something that has been passed on from generation after generation? For I know this classic line is uttered in other households too and if so, my mother probably got it from her mother which means I am then what my mother was when she was younger. Makes sense? Hhmm...which means my mother got what she deserved as told by her mother and I...therefore...will pay my dues when I'm...a mother too! *Gasp! Has to be better things to be passed down right? Like antique diamond rings or precious family jewels...:) Enough said.

You know how sometimes a conversation can start at point A and continue to point B and C etc? It's how this posting, and most of my other postings turn out to be. Started with me tying the knot, then it drifted to me unimaginably having a child (I only want one) and led to my future as foreseen parenting pitfalls.

Sigh...hope my child will have mercy on me if I ever become a mother, that is...if I ever attempted childbirth, if I ever get pregnant, if I ever walk down the aisle, if I ever threw my own engagement party, if I ever say "I will" to a marriage proposal, and if I ever find the right one who can bear with my nonsence and all that I am...forever and for always...

P/S I love you Mom and Dad. You're my eternal heros...