Love, Sex etc...
Men give love to get sex; Women give sex to get love.
- taken from And That Was How Love Began
by Ku-Ling (attrib)
translated by K.H. Goh
Came across this phrase which is from a Chinese book of the title above. Not sure how many would agree with it, but I can sense denying and sighing, no prize for guessing which sex is doing what :) Correct me if I'm wrong, a majority of us have found ourselves in a situations where we had to deal with the concept of sex and love - on occasion the thin line that threads between the two.
"I love you therefore I should give myself to you"...."You love me therefore you must give yourself to me"...."we want it therefore let's do it baby!" Whether or not you were pressured into it, whether or not you wanted it, whether or not it was mutual consent as in wham-bamm-thankyou-maam!...certain things DO change after two people sleep together, after two share the shelter of a bed.
For one it could be confirmation of affection, for others it could be the start of a new beginning, a possibility...perhaps the blossoming of a new love whereas some see it simply as the 'down south' conquered and they, the victors. Of course I don't wanna rain on someone's parade, nothing's sweeter than making love to the one who loves you in return. This is when love and sex meet perfectly in harmony, and become one in unison.
Some people are 'love' independant.
Def: One who occasionally will need the company of the opposite sex but is not dependant on anyone.
They do not live and breathe the emotional baggage that is packed into a relationship. Hence, the thought of being single is such a novelty factor to me every now and then. An article I read pointed out two things - a relationship that brings you pain should be shortlived, and if someone you love makes you cry, you're in a lie...
As always, the romantic idealist in me screams within and escapes the wrath of the practical realist. Mr. Superman brought this fact up during one of our many Q & A conversations. Number of years being single versus number of years being a double? Answer: 1 1/2 vs. 8. Does this mean I can't be alone for long? That I'm not capable of? Does this mean I'm love dependant? That I'm a lovefool?...but then again should the ratio mean anything at all in the first place?!
That got me to thinking...
My high school yearbook had a section dedicated for senior classes. My class had a short description for each student and mine read "*Julia is waiting for her Mr. Right, of true love she dreams of day and night..."
* Name has been omitted to protect the actual person
You see, I was not one of those guy magnets in school but more of a guy's best friend/buddy. I was popular in my own 'she's a nice girl' way, hung out with the incrowd, went for all the cool gatherings but never got my first kiss which I reaped only from my first relationship at 18 - after Form Five (Oh gosh! Some of you might think). Well, I did have my crushes, particularly one that seemed neverending and fondness for a few but nothing materialised. Guys were usually the 'hunter' so-called. Therefore, you can say I was never 'hunted'...guess it was because I did not look good enough to 'eat'. No, I was no nerd (nothing against them, mind you) for even nerds find someone to date, someone's hand to hold, someone to bring to the prom. Maybe the ones who I wanted to hunt for me, merely had higher expectations of physical attributes, of beauty.
How time has changed and unchanged me. Externally, I'm definitely different from how I used to look at seventeen (some can't even recognise me now, especially those I'm lost touch with) but internally under the contact lenses, make-up and some weight gain (thanks to late blooming puberty fat), part of my seventeen year old self still lives in me. The 'love' fuel still burns and it is a part of who I am (though at periods, it may burn so low to the point of extinguishing). Plus minus a few emotional bruises and healing come and gone, I'm a bittersweet me presently through experiences. Many things I said I wouldn't do when I was younger, have I been there and done that. Yes, I've had a number of regrets but also moments where I'll remember and cherish vividly for the rest of my life.
The things I've learned.
- I have learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
- I have learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
- I have learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.
- I have learned that it takes a long time to become the person I want to be.
- I have learned that you can keep going on long after you thought you could not.
- I have learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
- I have learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
- I have learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
- I have learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
- I have learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
- I have learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
- I have learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
- I have learned that people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again.
- I have learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
- I have learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
- I have learned that our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
- I have learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
- I have learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
- I have learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
- I have learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
- I have learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
- I have learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.
- I have learned that it is hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
- I have learned that no matter how fast and how far you go, you can't outrun God.
...will be quarter of a century old this year, not THAT old to many. "You've only just begun", my parents say and I'm sure the list will continue to grow...as my wrinkles start forming, as my orange peel buttocks begins to surface, as what little of my 'Eves' begin to sag.
- taken from And That Was How Love Began
by Ku-Ling (attrib)
translated by K.H. Goh
Came across this phrase which is from a Chinese book of the title above. Not sure how many would agree with it, but I can sense denying and sighing, no prize for guessing which sex is doing what :) Correct me if I'm wrong, a majority of us have found ourselves in a situations where we had to deal with the concept of sex and love - on occasion the thin line that threads between the two.
"I love you therefore I should give myself to you"...."You love me therefore you must give yourself to me"...."we want it therefore let's do it baby!" Whether or not you were pressured into it, whether or not you wanted it, whether or not it was mutual consent as in wham-bamm-thankyou-maam!...certain things DO change after two people sleep together, after two share the shelter of a bed.
For one it could be confirmation of affection, for others it could be the start of a new beginning, a possibility...perhaps the blossoming of a new love whereas some see it simply as the 'down south' conquered and they, the victors. Of course I don't wanna rain on someone's parade, nothing's sweeter than making love to the one who loves you in return. This is when love and sex meet perfectly in harmony, and become one in unison.
Some people are 'love' independant.
Def: One who occasionally will need the company of the opposite sex but is not dependant on anyone.
They do not live and breathe the emotional baggage that is packed into a relationship. Hence, the thought of being single is such a novelty factor to me every now and then. An article I read pointed out two things - a relationship that brings you pain should be shortlived, and if someone you love makes you cry, you're in a lie...
As always, the romantic idealist in me screams within and escapes the wrath of the practical realist. Mr. Superman brought this fact up during one of our many Q & A conversations. Number of years being single versus number of years being a double? Answer: 1 1/2 vs. 8. Does this mean I can't be alone for long? That I'm not capable of? Does this mean I'm love dependant? That I'm a lovefool?...but then again should the ratio mean anything at all in the first place?!
That got me to thinking...
My high school yearbook had a section dedicated for senior classes. My class had a short description for each student and mine read "*Julia is waiting for her Mr. Right, of true love she dreams of day and night..."
* Name has been omitted to protect the actual person
You see, I was not one of those guy magnets in school but more of a guy's best friend/buddy. I was popular in my own 'she's a nice girl' way, hung out with the incrowd, went for all the cool gatherings but never got my first kiss which I reaped only from my first relationship at 18 - after Form Five (Oh gosh! Some of you might think). Well, I did have my crushes, particularly one that seemed neverending and fondness for a few but nothing materialised. Guys were usually the 'hunter' so-called. Therefore, you can say I was never 'hunted'...guess it was because I did not look good enough to 'eat'. No, I was no nerd (nothing against them, mind you) for even nerds find someone to date, someone's hand to hold, someone to bring to the prom. Maybe the ones who I wanted to hunt for me, merely had higher expectations of physical attributes, of beauty.
How time has changed and unchanged me. Externally, I'm definitely different from how I used to look at seventeen (some can't even recognise me now, especially those I'm lost touch with) but internally under the contact lenses, make-up and some weight gain (thanks to late blooming puberty fat), part of my seventeen year old self still lives in me. The 'love' fuel still burns and it is a part of who I am (though at periods, it may burn so low to the point of extinguishing). Plus minus a few emotional bruises and healing come and gone, I'm a bittersweet me presently through experiences. Many things I said I wouldn't do when I was younger, have I been there and done that. Yes, I've had a number of regrets but also moments where I'll remember and cherish vividly for the rest of my life.
The things I've learned.
- I have learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
- I have learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
- I have learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.
- I have learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
- I have learned that it takes a long time to become the person I want to be.
- I have learned that you can keep going on long after you thought you could not.
- I have learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
- I have learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
- I have learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
- I have learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
- I have learned that learning to forgive takes practice.
- I have learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
- I have learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
- I have learned that people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again.
- I have learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
- I have learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
- I have learned that our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
- I have learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
- I have learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
- I have learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
- I have learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
- I have learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
- I have learned that many things can be powered by the mind, the trick is self-control.
- I have learned that it is hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.
- I have learned that no matter how fast and how far you go, you can't outrun God.
- Anon
...will be quarter of a century old this year, not THAT old to many. "You've only just begun", my parents say and I'm sure the list will continue to grow...as my wrinkles start forming, as my orange peel buttocks begins to surface, as what little of my 'Eves' begin to sag.
I can't stop the aging process but I can avoid from repeating my mistakes and applying the things I've learned so far into my life. Now, if only it's all easier done than said...
Good night people.
posted by Perfectly Flawed® at 3:45 am
12 Comments:
An interesting post. I'm sure many would be able to learn something from that you have learnt and in turn helps them to be a better person that they want to be.
"Men give love to get sex; Women give sex to get love"
I don't deny that statement. I think that is very true.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Well, I'm sure many would have figured out most of my 'I learned' by now. Just a matter of coming across it, realising you agree and if yes, whether applied or not.
So you don't deny the statement huh? :)
I reckon many others would shout the same shout too. Men and their mentality of spreading their seeds (millions of little ones produced, all wanting to travel somewhere) and women with the notion of The One (one egg, one fertile period, one month).
Can that be an explanation? That it's all in our nature and we are simply going through the motion? Whatever it is, I won't remove the possibility of the roles facing a reverse though, as there ARE instances, for there are those who dare to be 'different'.
I love that statement too.
Woman love great sex as much as men do. The difference between a woman and a man is that she doesn't feel strong desire for sex unless her need for love is first satisfied. Most important , she first needs to feel loved and special to a man. When her heart open in this way, her sexual center begins to open and she feels a longing as great as or greater than any man feels. To her, love is much more important than sex, but as the need for love is fulfilled, the importance of sex will dramatically increased dramatically.
Bet, men will need some times to understand this.
Hmm...we all love sex don't we?
I totally agree with the statement.
Women gives sex, hoping for LOVE to be returned. That's because we are emotionally charged.
Men, on the other hand "tries to give love" hoping to be returned with SEX. Men, are just sexually charged. The theory of "spreading the seeds" - I'm sure all of us have heard about it.
We all can't denied that traditionally, men are the hunter, and women "the hunted".
I love being hunted. It's just like a Tom & Jerry Game ;P
"Men give love to get sex; Women give sex to get love"
I won't give love for sex, it's part of the whole picture, sex comes with love, you can't deny the nature. Women are willing to give sex for love? I definately won't fall in love with another girl because of that. From my point of view, it will not always work, the guy will only take advantage once he knows about it.
Stanley,
You sure you won't give love for sex? Sex comes with love? What about the instances where some guys just wanna 'let loose'? Explain that. There is no luuurrve involved in that for sure.
Some guys will take advantage if a girl is willing but then again it takes two hands to clap...therefore sex can happen but the reasoning of it could stem from different viewpoints from each sexes.
I definately won't fall in love with another girl because of that ----> Can you help yourself from not falling in love with someone? Isn't it something you do naturally? Hhmm....just curious on your thoughts.
The Unknown,
I agree with you 110%! So true - love satisfaction before sex gratification for most women.
Anonymous,
Women have always been understood to be the hunted but I see a change in this from current trends. Some women are starting to equip themselves and become the hunter instead perhaps due to their more independant and self sustaining character. However, it does feel good to be hunted. At least you know you're still wanted :).
Tom and Jerry game? Tom's plans always backfires on him and Jerry's the smart one. Trying to signify something here? He he.
I'm just applying myself to your theory, not necessary true for other guys. If unfortunately, one girl really fall for a guy who just want to 'let loose', he might not even consider to love, simply tell a lie, finish the business and get done with it. Guys don't need to love the person to have sex with her, it's part of the instinct to spread the seed.
No, I can't control myself of not falling in love. But as you girls like to say often, "If you are not interested, no matter what the person does, it just can't touch your heart." So, if it's really not working, making love doesn't necessary create 'love'.
Those are all my personal opinion only lah, it doesn't apply to everybody.
hey Stan, i m on ur side... i can't make luv to a gal that i m not in luv wif... TFK la huh in order to let loose... can't imagine sex without luv... suckssss
guys do know how to appreciate women's love la... not just taking advantage from it...
Well as the saying goes, "Don't burn the whole forest because of one tree...". So there are good guys out there...:) Hope for us girls.
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