"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

The title of this post is not associated with the content. It's just that I have been watching the Fight Club in Blu-ray (Bi and I are spoiled by the excellent clarity in picture quality and currently have a small collection of must-haves) and it seats in the aisle of Tyler Durden's unforgettable lines. Definitely one of Brad Pitt's best known roles and performances. Even the name sounds cool.

From Wikipedia In 2007, Premier selected Tyler Durden's line, "The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club," as the 27th greatest movie line of all time. In 2008, readers of Empire ranked Tyler Durden first on a list of the 100 Greatest Movie Characters. A charismatic but nihilistic neo-Luddite and anarcho-primitivist with a strong hatred for consumer culture.

Superb film. There was a whole semester in uni dedicated to analysing it.

***

IA's latest writings inspired me (gave me a wake-up call) to march forward steadily, and not snail my way through if I want change to happen for my own betterment. Change that will eradicate aggravation and resentment. Truth be told, I have been taking my time with a certain something and I have to stop procrastinating. After all, our support circle can only do so much (and that's a lot) for no one can help ourselves at the end of the day, but us alone. We can complain, moan and sulk until we're blue in the face but the first step is ours to take.

According to IA, if she could speak to herself from the year past, this is what she would tell her:

- Trust yourself completely. Not just half of the time; ALL of the time. Don’t second-guess your moves because if you put enough effort behind that move, you change and control your luck. The irony is, I believe in this and tell it often to the people close to me. Yet for over a year, I forgot how to live. I can’t just tell people that, I have to believe myself.

- Not knowing IS the fun part. It is okay to be reckless and irresponsible. It is okay to take wild and uncharacteristic chances because it will lead you down wild, uncharacteristic paths – paths that you would have never otherwise considered.

- Be brave. Because fear of the things that you cannot see or foretell is effing stupid.

Here's to all of the above that I would like to tick again. It has been more than a year since I dived into the unknown.

If you look back at the year ending and cannot recall an incident that has made you laugh or cry, the year has been wasted.

Ally McBeal said something of this sort in an episode and it has stuck with me ever since. Every year when I reminisce, this line will somehow find its way back into my mind.

I'd say, 2009 has been lived. I have laughed and I have cried. There has been growth within the person that is me and in prominent parts of my life that matter. What a difference a year makes...

If you ask me today whether I'm happy, I'd say yes. I didn't think a positive answer was possible before reaching my next milestone of a birthday. Heck, I thought I'd only be able to say this when I hit 50. Yeah, 50. Of course, there is still room for improvement and the want for more, memories that haunt and of regrets but despite all these, it's a 'yes'. I am happy. Thankful, for all the blessings I've received and I believe one should not question good things. We should say a prayer and give thanks instead. For there are always others out there who are not as fortunate as us. And just when we start feeling sorry for ourselves, we ought to think twice.

Sometimes we are reminded of what we already know because we tend to place a lid on it as life passes by. Maybe this is God's way of telling us.