Right but Wrong
Came across the article below in The Star which was published some time back. FF and I were so into the topic when I was still working with her. A friend e-mailed me the same article recently. So, I've had a double dosage of it. Therefore, would like to share it if you have not come across it yet. Sharing IS caring after all :) For those of you who have read it, I'm sure a bulk of sighs came out huh? That is, if you've been there and done that.
**********
When Mr Right comes at the wrong time…
Timing is everything, even in love. And when you are not ready to commit, you could end up regretting it
SOMETIMES, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with - or without.
Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down.
A friend in his 20s came to this conclusion after confiding in me that he had recently met a woman who is more attractive than his wife, and so occupies his thoughts more often than his wife does.
'If only I had met her before I got married,' he said wistfully.
But I think even if the love of one's life appears when one is single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognise him or her as such.
And then love passes by.
Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities.
I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding last month, which triggered many memories.
We met five years ago when I was 23 and he 31. It was love at first sight.
He had an established career, was down-to-earth and steadfastly religious.
I was then working as an air stewardess and my head was - literally and metaphorically - in the clouds.
I was also - well, let's put it this way - not religious.
Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the same quirky sense of humour and shared long, intense overnight conversations.
But human nature is perverse. When someone is excessively nice to us, we start taking things for granted, instead of appreciating them even more.
My ex sent me to the airport, fixed my PC, reminded me to take health supplements - and go to church.
He had everything I could want in a husband - except that I was not looking for one. A boyfriend was all I could cope with then.
I loved fast cars, danced wildly at Zouk and took off on shopping holidays at a whim. My life revolved around I, me and myself.
In the six months that we were together, he popped the question several times and talked ad nauseam about having children. He wanted us to enroll for a Christian marriage preparation course.
Yes, I did often fantasise about a Vera Wang wedding gown, but I was at that stage of my life when I was more interested in Guess than Baby Guess.
And where - dare I admit it? - I still wanted to meet other men.
So I was a 23-year-old with the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old. =
Responsibility? Wasn't that for adults?
In short, I met Mr Right at the wrong time.
The more he talked about marriage and religion, the more I felt pressured and the more pressured I felt, the more irritable I became.
I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial matter blew up as a big deal. My mood obliterated the good in our relationship and reached a point where I just wanted out.
He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved. He still called me regularly, beseeching me to change my mind.
The calls stopped finally after a year. Now and then, we say 'Hi' via e-mail.
I had a few painful relationships after that. Served me right, as those rude wake-up calls were necessary for me to realise the meaninglessness of my hedonistic high life.
I missed the tenderness of my ex and began having second thoughts.
Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone marriageable before my biological clock reached zero hour. It dawned on me that I am not a pixie like Peter Pan who can flit around forever. One day, I'd wake up sick and alone when my fair weather friends flit away.
But I was too proud and too unsure of my ex's reaction to call him until last year.
The first thing he told me excitedly was that he had found The One. My heart tumbled to my feet. So, that's Fate.
If only I could turn back time. If only I had met him later. If only...what feeble words.
These days, I am more circumspect. I have come to terms with my loss. There is nothing I can do about timing, but I can do everything about my choices.
Sometimes, when the nights get lonely, I toy with the idea of marrying a platonic friend of mine, who often assures me earnestly that, if the worst comes to the worst, he'd be willing to marry me.
But I always dismiss that. I have already made one mistake. I should not make another by settling for second best merely for the sake of getting hitched - only to regret it soon after, as the guy who confided in me did.
Hopefully, the best is not over but yet to be.
**********
When Mr Right comes at the wrong time…
Timing is everything, even in love. And when you are not ready to commit, you could end up regretting it
SOMETIMES, timing rather than love decides who we end up being with - or without.
Only some lucky people marry the loves of their lives. The rest marry the most suitable person who comes along when they are ready to settle down.
A friend in his 20s came to this conclusion after confiding in me that he had recently met a woman who is more attractive than his wife, and so occupies his thoughts more often than his wife does.
'If only I had met her before I got married,' he said wistfully.
But I think even if the love of one's life appears when one is single, one may not be in the right frame of mind to recognise him or her as such.
And then love passes by.
Life is littered with near misses and lost opportunities.
I attended my ex-boyfriend's wedding last month, which triggered many memories.
We met five years ago when I was 23 and he 31. It was love at first sight.
He had an established career, was down-to-earth and steadfastly religious.
I was then working as an air stewardess and my head was - literally and metaphorically - in the clouds.
I was also - well, let's put it this way - not religious.
Despite our differences, we were soulmates. We had the same quirky sense of humour and shared long, intense overnight conversations.
But human nature is perverse. When someone is excessively nice to us, we start taking things for granted, instead of appreciating them even more.
My ex sent me to the airport, fixed my PC, reminded me to take health supplements - and go to church.
He had everything I could want in a husband - except that I was not looking for one. A boyfriend was all I could cope with then.
I loved fast cars, danced wildly at Zouk and took off on shopping holidays at a whim. My life revolved around I, me and myself.
In the six months that we were together, he popped the question several times and talked ad nauseam about having children. He wanted us to enroll for a Christian marriage preparation course.
Yes, I did often fantasise about a Vera Wang wedding gown, but I was at that stage of my life when I was more interested in Guess than Baby Guess.
And where - dare I admit it? - I still wanted to meet other men.
So I was a 23-year-old with the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old. =
Responsibility? Wasn't that for adults?
In short, I met Mr Right at the wrong time.
The more he talked about marriage and religion, the more I felt pressured and the more pressured I felt, the more irritable I became.
I was too impatient to compromise. Every trivial matter blew up as a big deal. My mood obliterated the good in our relationship and reached a point where I just wanted out.
He was heartbroken; I was sad but relieved. He still called me regularly, beseeching me to change my mind.
The calls stopped finally after a year. Now and then, we say 'Hi' via e-mail.
I had a few painful relationships after that. Served me right, as those rude wake-up calls were necessary for me to realise the meaninglessness of my hedonistic high life.
I missed the tenderness of my ex and began having second thoughts.
Perhaps I also felt more urgency to find someone marriageable before my biological clock reached zero hour. It dawned on me that I am not a pixie like Peter Pan who can flit around forever. One day, I'd wake up sick and alone when my fair weather friends flit away.
But I was too proud and too unsure of my ex's reaction to call him until last year.
The first thing he told me excitedly was that he had found The One. My heart tumbled to my feet. So, that's Fate.
If only I could turn back time. If only I had met him later. If only...what feeble words.
These days, I am more circumspect. I have come to terms with my loss. There is nothing I can do about timing, but I can do everything about my choices.
Sometimes, when the nights get lonely, I toy with the idea of marrying a platonic friend of mine, who often assures me earnestly that, if the worst comes to the worst, he'd be willing to marry me.
But I always dismiss that. I have already made one mistake. I should not make another by settling for second best merely for the sake of getting hitched - only to regret it soon after, as the guy who confided in me did.
Hopefully, the best is not over but yet to be.
**********
Correct me if I'm wrong. In considerance of our mortal time here on earth, all we want is to be happy with life and love. Sigh, so true about timing...we can't plan ahead on meeting the right one when the time is right. The world does not revolve this way unfortunately. We can only hope that when fate decides to shuffle and deal its cards, it will be to our favour.
Someone said to me once, there is no such thing as the right one...we make someone the right one. I begged to differ in full spirit. I believed/still believe (am confused on my believe status now) that somehow, someone out there is meant just for us and when the cosmics are aligned, you'll connect with them and the rest they say is like all fairytales are...happily ever after...where nothing is impossible...where two hearts joined by one love can and will withstand anything that goes against their tide. Yes, a true idealist in every way I am/was (still undecided). I've gone to great lengths in the name of love...
Maybe he was right... perhaps I am/was (status still undetermined) wrong. I don't know.
For in all my faith, I've been granted a hope of deliverance from the concept of the One and because of this, two thoughts have been orbiting on my mind lately. One of which I have previously brought up.
...If we think someone is the One but things do not work out and we end up with another, could this another actually be the real One for us?...
and
...If you think someone's the right one but circumstances equate that it's simply wrong timing, then it's not meant to be even if your heart screams their name. For if it was, everything should fall, should be in its place accordingly...
Educate me please, if you may.
_Idealist flying half mask_
posted by Perfectly Flawed® at 9:03 am
8 Comments:
Thanks for sharing your story.
Kinda can relate to that.
I tend to think that there are many people out there we can potentially be happy with. Our decisions however, determine our paths that lead us to the one we ultimately end up with. Perhaps this is my way of blaming or empowering myself.
I'd like to believe in fate. Kinda like that show Serendipity. But who knows?
No worries Vagus :).
Yeah, nice to believe in fate huh? That everything happens for a reason...where fate will reveal all sooner or later and things will work out our way eventually.
*fingers crossed*
Right timing huh? How are we going to know if it's the right timing or not unless we give it a try? Just like the girl in the story, she realized about her loss only after she lost it. If she compromised when the right guy proposed, she will live her life in regret. One way or another, the relationship is doomed to fail.
When is the right time for the right person? I believe that if one keeps on waiting for that to happen, the wait might last forever. Life is imperfect, sometimes we just have to compromise. Don't blame everything at fate or count everything on fate, it's still you and yourself only who control your own life.
Doubts that constantly have in our mind... Sigh. The fact of the matter is that if the relationship didn't work out, there have to be a good reason for it. And it's pretty much again voice down to FATE.
I strongly agreed with Vagus, our decisions determine our paths that lead us to. A story by Mitch Albom, "The Five People You Meet In Heaven", I wish I could meet 'the five people' when I am six feet underground.
Though it might be too late or waste of time, and what is done is done, but damnit, I'm just going to indulge.
Cheyanne,
Read the book. Love the story :).
Yeah, would be cool if we could meet the 5 people who has had an influence indirectly or directly in our lives.
Although realisation/s might be a little too late as we're already dead and gone, I would still like the opportunity. As some say, better late than never.
Stan,
True. Life is what we make of it. We can't always get what we want unfortunately. Sometimes we get what we need.
How do we know that person is the right one? Maybe in the begining everything seems beautiful & lovely.but people do change..I always read Dear Thelma section on sunday..funny2 stories :\
While I don't believe in the concept of the One... I do believe in the concept of a Mr. Right. Maybe there's more than one Mr. (or Ms.) Right for every person out there. Out of over 6 billion people on Earth... there can't be only one match, can it?
i think that the focus, somehow is not to look at what are the things that does not work - but start on the things that do work & build from there.
but then again, somethings are easier said then done, but at least its a good start.
Someday....
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